Yum

"When you have the best and tastiest ingredients, you can cook very simply and the food will taste extraordinary because it tastes like what it is. [Alice Waters]"

Am

I am completely

overwhelmed.


and
discouraged.
Blah.

DWW5

Sunday 1.27
neophyte [nee-uh-fyt] noun:
1. A new convert or proselyte.
2. A novice; a beginner in anything.

A Nephite?!

Monday 1.28
ambergris [am-ber-grees, -gris] noun :
an opaque, ash-colored secretion of the sperm whale intestine, usually found floating on the ocean or cast ashore: used in perfumery.

"Hey mom! I learned something new in biology today. Sperm whales vomit. And it's expensive!"

Tuesday 1.29
indelible [in-del-uh-buhl] adjective:
1. That cannot be removed, erased, or washed away.
2. Making marks that cannot easily be removed or erased.
3. Incapable of being forgotten; memorable.

His voice was part of his image, as indelible as the handkerchief in his breast pocket.

Wednesday 1.30
obdurate [ob-duh-rit; -dyuh] adjective:
1. Hardened in wrongdoing; stubbornly wicked. Hardened in feelings; hard-hearted.
2. Resistant to persuasion; unyielding.
3. Hard; harsh; rugged; rough.

Let not your conscience be obdurate.

Thursday 1.31
tchotchke [choch-kuh] noun:
A trinket; a knickknack.

This word doesn't even look English . . .

Friday 2.1
fulsome [ful-sum] adjective:
1. Offensive to the taste or sensibilities.
2. Insincere or excessively lavish; especially, offensive from excess of praise.

This word is a perfect adjective for a certain someone. I hope they don't read this. And if they do, I hope they don't realize it's them.

Saturday 2.2
propinquity [pruh-ping-kwih-tee] noun:
1. Nearness in place; proximity.
2. Nearness in time.
3. Nearness of relation; kinship.

Up close and personal.

Fragile

I have been pondering a lot lately on how fragile everything is. It's a wonder sometimes that the world keeps such perfect time and stays in step--there are just so many variants.

My life feels like a great balancing act. I have so many concerns and worries, so many to-dos and pendings, so many deadlines and looming projects. I feel like there are so many unknowns, like everything is just suspended momentarily, waiting to slide one direction or the other. I just hope I'm prepared for the avalanche. I've thought a lot about the fragility of life, of relationships, of things that seem so set and stable, but in a moment of inattentiveness, I unblur my eyes to find change, surprise--a startled awakening. I am tired of unknowns. I guess much of what drives life is the mystery of what's next, but sometimes I don't want to think about it, and other times I just want to know.

I'm scared for him because I love him. If I didn't love there would be no reason to fear the hole that would be left when he leaves. Maybe I just need to reassess. "Perfect love casteth out fear." I know I need not fear because I am supremely provided for, but at times my love can't conquer my fears. I'm not scared for him. I know that it is merely a step in our progression, a large dose of relief from mortal burdens and cares. I'm scared for me, for not having him there for guidance and love. For not having ready access to his wisdom and creativity.

I love.

Weekend

What did I do? Friday felt like one bounding leap from my class to the car as we headed to Park City to meet up with Jamie's brother and his imaginary wife and scope out the Sundance scene. The first movie we tried to go see was sold out so we hit up a few galleries, found a promotional owl, ate some good pizza and decided on spending a late night after picking up wait list tickets to this which started at 11:30. Yikes! Thank you Justin, your iphone, and your blog for the picture.

While we waited we listened to some live music, tried to get into a club, got rejected from a private party (but all we really wanted was some juice) and successfully avoided every celeb at the festival. Oh well . . .

Saturday consisted of 2 hours of errands and random things to check off my list, 2 hours of research for my paper, 30 minutes of good-deeding, 1 hour of running, 30 minutes of family, 5 hours of switching off back and forth between reading for bio and writing a personal essay, 15 minutes of trying to eat rice pudding, an hour of teaching Lil' Lou to drive a stick (accompanied by an hour of laughter) and time spent with a friend who loves learning to be decisive.

Sunday was an attempted farewell, a bit of piano-ing, a short practice for an impending musical number, another farewell, some more singing, a few tears, some tasty tacos, visting teaching, a leadership meeting, family home evening, ward prayer (which not only last 45 minutes because the bishop had us passing around a gun that killed someone, but was also twisted an morbid on all sorts of levels), choir practice, running clothes to an anxious sister, and two constructive conversations.

Mind

On my mind. . .

1. Grandpa's heart. It is so large and full of love and wonder. I just wish it would stop needing surgical attention. I guess I'm just grateful that we have access to medical procedures and facilities that can heal his heart physically so he can heal mine spiritually and otherwise.
2. London expenses. Hawaii expenses. Housing expenses. Living expenses. How I need to pick up my paycheck (a week ago). How I want to go to the Philippines. How I love to travel. See. Experience. My eyes account for less than one percent of the weight of my head and yet they aid my favorite sense, but I'm bony and dense; I see what I expect.
3. Caroline.
4. A letter that has needed a response for over two weeks. It sits on my desk and stares at me, patiently waiting for attending to. I just don't know what to say.
5. e.e. cummings and a boy and how the parallel is astounding
6. My major. Is it going to give me fulfillment? Success? Is it what I really want to venture into? Should I explore the realms of Industrial Design? Architecture? Am I just being lazy by not trying for anything more? Then again, is my major necessarily less? Maybe I just have a complex from everyone around me who is condescending about how "easy" it is or how "unpractical" it is. What are you going to do with that major? Ask me again. I dare you.
   

Thoughts

Thoughts I had while brushing my teeth, washing my face, and taking out my contacts:

1. Bellybuttons. They are so weird. Unique. Do doctors know the sorts of social havoc they can wreak on people whose bellybuttons they botch?
2. What am I going to write my personal narrative on? I know it's going to be something about Germany. Phrases were going through my head that sound pretty. An immense discovery is pounding in my head, reaffirming itself with every sliding, joyous step. How could it all be so green? It made me feel as though I too would soon sprouting. He has the girth of a soda straw. Perhaps the world needs more silence, you know; sounding silence, soliloquies and laughter. A silent symphony. . .
3. I fill silence. Constantly. Whether the silence is audible or if it's just noise in my head, I always have some wandering thought to occupy the empty space.
4. Can a college student over sleep? One of my roommates wandered in asking how she could be tired after 11 hours of sleep. (11 hours?! Is it possible? What did I do with my 11 hours? How many pages did I read? How many drawings did I finish? How many laughs did I have?) It made my mind jump to words of advice from my mother saying "You need the hours before midnight to feel rested." I remember taking this advice with a skeptically raised eyebrow. How does my body know what time it is? If I'm always going to sleep at 2 and waking up at 10 How does it know that midnight isn't 5am? I've always thought that 8 hours is 8 hours is 8 hours. Am I wrong? If my body has a core clock, then I'm seriously denying it the "before midnight hours."

When I finished brushing and put the toothpaste on the shelf it was 12:24 am. Sorry sleepy body.

Gratitude

Have you ever been overcome with joy and gratitude that you want to consecrate your euphoria and give it to someone? If I could, I would collect in my hands the gratitude that I feel for my aliveness--my legs, my lungs, my heart, my chapped lips--on this cold day and write it on a letter so you could see it. I would not explain it. Rather, I would give you this endless swelling in my heart so that it might enlarge you too. I would give you at least half my happy tears so you might know the way it feels to walk briskly in the quiet of a hushed morning while God wakes up the sun for you.

Snow

I feel like I finally have a real winter to add to my store of conscious memories. I've seen pictures of me when I was little up to my neck in snow. I remember when it seemed like there wasn't more brown than white. . . The last few years winter has meant nothing more than cold. Sure we would get an occasional blanket of snow that would make the world look clean until it woke up with the sun and together we turned everything brown. But this year it seems like we've been hit with storm after storm, keeping the walks white and the trees frosted.

I heart snow.

DWW4

So instead of posting the word daily like I have been, I think I'll just post them weekly on Sunday. I feel like posting twice a day is excessive and plus, I have lists of words ready to be posted anyway. Here is Daily Words Week 4.

Sunday 1.20
sagacity [suh-gas-i-tee]

acuteness of mental discernment and soundness of judgment.
Thank you to Michelle for the word. I think you are full of sagacity. Always. You're the beaver. Seriously. Always. You. Are.

Monday 1.21
eidetic /aɪˈdɛtɪk/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronun\ahy-det-ik\adjective

1.	of, pertaining to, or constituting visual imagery vividly experienced and readily reproducible with great accuracy and in great detail.

2.	of or pertaining to eidos.

Tuesday 1.22
obsequious \ob-see-kwee-us\, adjective
Servilely attentive; compliant to excess; fawning.

Wednesday 1.23
miasma \my-az-muh; mee-\, noun:
1. A vaporous exhalation (as of marshes or putrid matter) formerly thought to cause disease; broadly, a thick vaporous atmosphere or emanation.
2. A harmful or corrupting atmosphere or influence; also, an atmosphere that obscures; a fog.

Thursday 1.24
puissant \pwiss-uhnt; pyoo-uh-suhnt; pyoo-iss-uhnt\, adjective:
Powerful; strong; mighty; as, a puissant prince or empire.

Friday 1.25
verisimilitude \ver-uh-suh-mil-uh-tood; -tyood\, noun:
1. The appearance of truth; the quality of seeming to be true.
2. Something that has the appearance of being true or real.

Saturday 1.26
equanimity \ee-kwuh-nim-uh-tee; ek-wuh-\, noun:
Evenness of mind; calmness; composure; as, "to bear misfortunes with equanimity."

Golden

Yesterday was my "Golden Birthday." I felt metallic and glowing all day. 19. Woo.

I woke to a phone call from Dad telling me he was outside the door and a warm car was waiting for me. I don't think I even opened my eyes between getting out of bed and walking out the front door. The kitchen met me with warm smells; the ones that make you feel cozy inside without even tasting a bite. We had apple pancakes with warm, homemade syrup. Yum.

Michelle came with me to do a few birthday errands and then we picked up my sister and surrogate sister and went to lunch. We dawned our XL eternal free specialty drink shirts and were sat in the garden room where the walls are flanked with ferns and lovely green things to make you feel a little bit alive amidst the world outside that's the color of concrete. Our waiter's name was Diego. I called him Diablo by mistake and felt like a gargantuan retard, but he got tipped well.

I am decidedly in love with chips and salsa, Diablo Rojo (the specialty drink, not the waiter), enchiladas, XL shirts, and spending time with my sisters. We laughed through the entire hour and then they laughed at me while I had the all-too-embarrassing Los Hermanos Birthday singing to. Diego did a grand job at yipping and yelling and I felt like the embarrassment was payback for the name slip. . .

Lunch was followed by an extremely fruitless shopping experience with Dad and Mom, but I left with an IOU which is just as well. We'll venture out tomorrow in search of the perfect wish-list items.

When I got home, I found my room decorated with nineteen paper 19s and my bed filled with 19 candy bars. The roommates were still bustling around the kitchen and continuing to keep me thoroughly out of the loop. I wasn't allowed behind the wood and Plexiglas door since I opened my eyes that morning, and with all the commotion and giggles that eeked from under the door, my curiosity and excitement were peaked. Around 6:30 Roommate came in, told me to put on my golden robe adorned with 19 ribbons (precariously perched and placed bows . . . they think they are just so funny). They then bestowed 19 pieces of gold jewelry around my neck and wrists and I think I might have residual damage to my vertebra.

We got in the car and they pulled out a CD that contained the number one hit single from each year of my life. I think Vogue by Madonna must have affected my 2 year old brain in diverse ways. We showed up at Pizzeria Seven Twelve (7 + 12 = 19) which is organic and fresh and yummy. The roommates made me a few books. One of memories, quotes and pictures (19 of each of course) and a book of 19 adjectives and 19 abstract representations of my attributes (they said they must really love me for stooping so slow as to watercolor for me. Boy do I love them). After a long dinner of chatting and laughter, basil and fennel pizza, salad with roasted squash, Gorgonzola, pecans, and probably 19 glasses of water. . .we hopped in the car and headed to 27 Dresses at 10 (2 + 7 + 10 = 19).

The night ended with cake (with 19 colors of frosting paint daubs on a big palette shaped cake) and then a stop by Jamie's.

So far, 19 has been pretty great.

19

One year older and wiser too . . .

Convivial

con·viv·i·al /kənˈvɪviəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-viv-ee-uhl] –adjective

1.	friendly; agreeable: a convivial atmosphere.

2.	fond of feasting, drinking, and merry company; jovial.

3.	of or befitting a feast; festive.

Please use this word in a sentence and post it as a comment. Star-bellied Sneetch Award goes to the most creative/thought provoking/amusing sentence.

Biology

My biology class is nothing extraordinary at first glance.

I walk in every day, and a girl the row ahead of me offers me raisins. Everyday I decline. Every. Day. I don't like raisins. I wish they'd just leave those poor grapes alone. But she's happy and willing to share and I appreciate the gesture. I just wish she'd offer me See's Chocolates or 20 dollar bills...that's all.

There's another girl, the classic girl that every class has at least one of. The girl who has 27 million questions, raises her hand almost perpetually, and is obnoxiously anxious to answer questions. This girl happens to be almost six feet tall. I'm not going to oppose her keen yearning for knowledge. She could kill me. Easily. I wish I could bottle her fervency for learning and take a dose before some classes. It might prove to be useful? or it'd back fire and I'd just be intolerable.

Then there's the stretching guy. You know the one. The one that just can't ever seem to be fully stretched or awake, so every 6 minutes he reaches his arms high above his head, holds them there, them reaches behind his neck and arcs backwards. The guy in front of me stretched so hard that three times today his elbows covered my computer screen as he extended his extremities my way.

But if you sat through a day of Biology 100H, the most striking observation would be that my professor is insane, and that we don't do anything productive. I'm serious. There really aren't words that can encapsulate the tireless bundle of energy--the stories about Mongolia, the tangents, the passion for insects, spazticness and lack of ability to get through the first lecture--that is C. Riley Nelson and his teaching methods. Sure the man is entertaining, but strange as all get out. Is there a way to attach audio clips? I wish I could in order better convey the experience.

Here's a taste. Wednesday, this full grown man, my 50+ year old professor, got on his desk and started screaming like a Howler Monkey at the peak of mating season. I almost died. It was not only shocking but slightly disturbing. He's one of the happiest men I have been acquainted with thus far in my young life, but also one of the most bizarre and A.D.D.

Stultify

stul·ti·fy /ˈstʌltəˌfaɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[stuhl-tuh-fahy]
–verb (used with object), -fied, -fy·ing

1.	to make, or cause to appear, foolish or ridiculous.

2.	to render absurdly or wholly futile or ineffectual, esp. by degrading or frustrating means: Menial work can stultify the mind.

3.	Law. to allege or prove (oneself or another) to be of unsound mind.

This should be a Harry Potter spell EXPECTOPATRONUM! IMPEDIMENTA! STULTIFY!

Ratiocination

ra·ti·oc·i·na·tion /ˌræʃiˌɒsəˈneɪʃən, -ˌoʊsə-, ˌræti-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[rash-ee-os-uh-ney-shuhn]
–noun

the process of logical reasoning.

" For all their vaunted powers of ratiocination, grand masters of the chess club seem to be a skittery lot."

Face

Hello? Face? Are you there? I can't feel you, or form words with you. Maybe the cold froze the neurons that make contact with you and my brain. Or maybe my brain is frozen too.

Oh! There you are. You're burning. Hot! How did you do that? Now I can feel how many unintentional tears wet on my face. I'm starting to be able to move my lips. Thankfully.

Signed, Thawing One

Birthday

Happy Birthday Karl G. Maeser. I love BYU. Thanks a million.

"I have been asked what I mean by my word of honor. I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls-- ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground - there is a possibility that in some way or another I will escape; but stand me on a floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the Circle? No. Never! I would die first." [Karl G. Maeser]

"The fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom. This life is one great object lesson to practice on the principles of immortality and eternal life. Man grows with his higher aims. Let not that is unholy ever enter here" [Karl G. Maeser]

Dalliance

dal·li·ance /ˈdæliəns, ˈdælyəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunci[dal-ee-uhns, dal-yuhns] –noun

1.	a trifling away of time; dawdling.

2.	amorous toying; flirtation.

Wish I could...

January

I overheard a girl lamenting about how "January is like 31 Mondays." It made me sad to hear this. I think January is like a fresh start, a new beginning, the dawn of a clean chapter. It's like putting on a clean pair of pants to greet the morning. January is beautiful!

January means:
- resolutions
- ice skating
- birthdays
- school
- trees decorated with ice and snow
- scarfs
- socks

I can see how January could feel like 31 Mondays. Today was the year's coldest yet. Admittedly, I was squealing as Cousin and I walked back from class as the icy crystals once perched atop the buildings were blown down our necks. But as I reached the top of the fire escape stairs and looked out at the sky, I saw how the entire sky glittered as the wind lifted the brilliance off the ground and set it soaring.

Erudite

er·u·dite /ˈɛryʊˌdaɪt, ˈɛrʊ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[er-yoo-dahyt, er-oo-] –adjective

characterized by great knowledge; learned or scholarly

A history lesson?
One might like to be erudite but hesitate to be rude. This preference is because of the etymological relationship between erudite and rude. Erudite comes from the Latin adjective ērudītus which means "well-instructed, learned," and from the verb ērudīre, "to educate, train." The Prefix comes from the Latin root ex-, "out, out of," and the adjective rudis, "untaught, untrained," the source of our word rude. The English word erudite was first recorded in a work possibly written before 1425 with the meaning "instructed, learned." But the Erudite meaning "learned" is supposed to have come from a rare exception in sarcastic use during the latter part of the 19th century. The word now seems to have been restored to favor.

I would like to thank Jon Ostenson for my "root master" skills and Wikipedia for some insights.

Light

". . .whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible"

I was reading and wishing I could taste light. Wouldn't that be magical? I imagine its like holding a warm cloud in your mouth until your eyes illuminate with discernible brightness and the corners of your mouth can't keep themselves from turning heavenward. It would be filling and delicious. Probably better than Butterbeer I think. . .

I sometimes wish I had a spiritual flashlight that I could shine on areas of uncertainty and confusion and make them discernible. I'd carry it with me everywhere. But I guess, in a sense, I do have a constant guide who can help me distinguish and determine what is right and good. Thoughts can get so muddled and conflicted. They zoom around and bounce off each other in the dark catacombs of my skull. It's hard to sort them out, tie them down, line them up, measure, weigh, define. It reminds me of a song with a line that goes, "sometimes an on/off switch would sure come in handy."

Ribald

rib·ald /ˈrɪbəld; spelling pron. ˈraɪbəld/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[rib-uhld; spelling pron. rahy-buhld]
–adjective

1.	vulgar or indecent in speech, language, etc.; coarsely mocking, abusive, or irreverent; scurrilous.

–noun

2.	a ribald person.

Immor(t)al

We should not only study good and its effects upon our race, but also evil and it's consequences [Brigham Young]

I am enrolled in Honors 292R "Progressing Through Honors" this semester (which in reality is a lot of technical hub-bub for "a lecture class.") Last semester, Roommate took the course and would come home ebulliently chatting about how great that day's lecture had been and this really made me want to enroll for Winter.

Our first lecture was given last Thursday by Dr. Sowell, the head of Honors Program. I think he's brilliant. And not only that, he's an entertaining lecturer and has the perfect nutty professor attire complete with a large plaid bow-tie. Upon settling myself on the upper floor in the Maeser Building lecture hall, I felt like I had finally arrived at my college experience. It was all too perfect.

What he spoke about really struck me and sent me into a whirl of thoughts all day long. His topic was "Moral lessons from immor(t)al Tales" and focused on literature that is morally sub-par but is enriching and important in not only a secular, but spiritual education. He asked us what the best books are. Are they simply those that withstood the test of time and are on some "Classics" booklist? Are they those that exalt goodness and ignore evil? He argued that books which teach us the bad, the evil and the ugly are not to be looked down upon, but studied. The study is not for the purpose of immersing ourselves in darkness or getting ideas about an alternative lifestyle, but to make us aware. After all, without pondering the world around us in all its faults and fallacies, as well as its feats and triumphs, wouldn't we be all the poorer intellectually?

I thought about the Bible which includes stories like Lot and his daughters, Sodom and Gomorrah, Samson and Delila, David and Bathsheba. . . Does not the mature believer study these stories with the same fervency that we study and believe Joseph of Egypt, Moses and the Israelites, Noah and the ark? Dr. Sowell made the point that it is not only important to expose ourselves to moral lessons gleaned from immoral tales, but it is essential to be able to learn from them. He said "Great literature seldom moralizes" although it has a moral base. The sacred and the profane are often intertwined to contrast and bring to light the virtue at the core of the story. Even the atonement can become meaningless without the repentant sinners.

It reminds me of books I've read that have sometimes been uncomfortable or unpleasant to digest, but ended up fortifying my beliefs, rejuvenating my spirit and teaching me invaluable truths. The Color Purple, Crime and Punishment, The Scarlet Letter, Dante's Inferno are just a few that, although aren't considered banners for righteous living or moral thoughts, have been critical in my scholastic progress. Even reading The Screwtape Letters has been an interesting, enlightening experience that has taught my mind to morph in order to get itself around the ideas and fully understand Lewis' intent.

Immediately following this lecture I went to English where we discussed an article written by A. LeGrand Richards which considered the spiritual verses secular education approach. So often at BYU I hear, "I'm so grateful I can merge my spiritual and secular education. . . blah blah blah" which is sweet and all, but Richards put this trite phrase into words that resonated within me. He said it is "an attempt to learn the temporal in an eternal context." One boy commented that he was hesitant to come to BYU because he was concerned about receiving a limiting, biased, conservative education steeped in religious diatribes and guilt-tripping peers. He argued against the spiritual approach of BYU, saying that we need to get out and experience the world if we are to reach out and understand those around us who we are trying to bring into the fold. He had a point, but I was armed with an hour of lecturing about this very topic and was ready to bring the heat.

The purpose of BYU is not the shelter us and keep us from knowing what the "real world" holds in store, but to prepare us, fortify us, and ready us for the future so we can ultimately devote our lives to serving those around us and furthering the work of the kingdom. What better way to do so than "studying the temporal in the context of the eternal" just like Richards said?

Bloviate

blo·vi·ate (blō vē āt)

To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner

I think this word will come in particularly handy in the upcoming election months as the politicians bloviate excessively and slander the crap out of each other. Is anyone else excited?

Shameless

I was walking home today and trying to be filled with wonder and appreciation for the little things around me when a girl skipped by doing high kicks in spandex with her ipod blarin' and not a care in the world. I want to be like her. She had no shame in doing her little exercise routine in the middle of the Heritage Halls parking lot. Not only was she in spandex, but her exercises looked ridiculous. I've been told before by friends who I accused of knowing how to dance that "I don't have moves, I just have no shame." Someday I'll be like that. It might be when I'm 75 and all lucid thoughts have been purged from my body and all I'm left with is a shameless existence filled with care-free days and high kicks.

Dalliance

dal·li·ance /ˈdæliəns, ˈdælyəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunci[dal-ee-uhns, dal-yuhns] –noun

1.	a trifling away of time; dawdling.

2.	amorous toying; flirtation.

Wish I could...

Pause

I'm sure most of us have encountered the scenario when you are walking towards a cross walk and are then met with a moment of indecision when the hand starts flashing, but you're still 20 yards away from the street. Usually, my time is so short and things are planned so tightly that I put on my speed walking legs and barely make it as the light for oncoming traffic turns green.

Today I

took

a

breath

and waited.

It was a pleasant wait. I appreciated the stingy cold that brushed past my face that contrasted my warm body buried under layers of clothes; like I was a deep radiating core of magma surrounded by protective layers. Mmmm. Cozy.

Soon enough the light turned and I began my silent walk home. I paused by a tree that I pass multiple times every day on my way to and from campus. I gazed up at its canopy of branches and let my eyes feast on the multicolored bark. It testified to me that God truly is the Master Artist.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
[ee cummings]

Melliflous

mel·lif·lu·ous /məˈlɪfluəs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[muh-lif-loo-uhs] – adjective

1.	sweetly or smoothly flowing; sweet-sounding: a mellifluous voice; mellifluous tones.

2.	flowing with honey; sweetened with or as if with honey.

"Her voice was mellifluous as it reached my ears." There. I used it. Done.

Space

I was thinking today about how environmentally friendly blogging is. Although I don't get the full pleasure of writing like I do when I labor over my journal pages, the ease of blogging coupled with the rainforests I'm saving by recording digitally makes the whole experience that much better. So I grabbed my journals from the past 5 years (the ones I have with me at the dorms) and did a space comparison. Mr. Apple definitely has them beat. Is cyber space really space at all? How does memory "fill up?" Is information tangible on a microscopic scale?

It startles me at times how much I have to say and how prolifically I write. I wonder if my kids will just flip through my journals when I die and say "Whoa. What now?" What will they do with them? Odds are, they'll be turned into some digital file anyway and everyone can get a copy on a CD. No, CDs will be way out dated. They'll be inserted into the drive in their neck for physical digital storage. Then they can read Granny's ramblings wherever and whenever. Hmmm.

Swollen

I've had some extremely serendipitous accidents lately, one of which led to a fat lip. Picture this: New Years Eve. Vince Morgan's house. Ping Pong Tourney. 1st game of the bracket. Jamie and Vince are playing and half way into the game Katie and I decided Jamie would make a decisive win. Much to our surprise Vince made an incredible comeback (or Jamie just went into a walking coma) and stole the victory. Upon losing the game and forefitting his chance for the championship, Jamie threw his paddle at the ground which then bounced twice off the ground, ricocheted into my lip, off my face to Katie's head, and then ended with a SMACK against the wall. This all happened in a manner of nanoseconds and all we knew was that we were suddenly throbbing. My lip ballooned that night. The picture is the next evening. I throughly regret not photographing sooner. But I learned from my mistake.

This morning I woke up and read for an hour in bed before groggily getting up to stare my image in the face. It was startling as I awoke with a swollen eye for no apparent reason. Roommate suggested "Maybe you hit yourself in the night?" Not likely. Plus it wasn't a bruised pain, it was an achy stingy pain. Weird. But I promptly grabbed my handy Lumix, aimed and fired. Unfortunately focusing proved to be a challenge seeing as I was impaired, but I think it captures the essence of the horror well enough.

Megalomania

meg·a·lo·ma·ni·a (měg'ə-lō-mā'nē-ə, -mān'yə) noun
1. A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence.
2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions.

"The megalomaniac differs from the narcissist by the fact that he wishes to be powerful rather than charming, and seeks to be feared rather than loved. To this type belong many lunatics and most of the great men of history." [Bertrand Russell]

Snarky

snarky
snark·y [snahr-kee]
–adjective, snark·i·er, snark·i·est.
1. Chiefly British Slang. testy or irritable; short.

Let it be known that I am so relieved that I have a synonym for the word testy seeing as it is a useful word, but an awkward one.

Gravity

I started in on my resolutions and so far so good. I got home from a rigorous first day of class around 4:30, mosied into my room, and felt my body go limp. I let the effects of gravity move me slowly from the chair as I slid to the floor and thought, "I should be doing something productive right now..." The problem came when there wasn't really anything for me to do. Darn these easy beginnings!

Then it hit me. TAKE A BATH! Perfect. So I grabbed my book and decided to spend an hour reading and relaxing.

I settled in and immersed myself up to my chin. I love the sounds you can hear underwater. There was a hub of activity going on in the next apartment that seemed to be magnified through the bath and submerging somehow forced waves of sound into my ears along with the water pressure. I took a deep breath. I felt myself float. I exhaled. I sunk. I remembered that gravity is remarkable and let myself have a moment of wonderment about how it is that gravity holds everything together.

I read for a good hour. Hopefully I'll read the bulk of it before classes really pick up. Hopefully.

Matriculate

ma·tric·u·late
/v. məˈtrɪkyəˌleɪt; n. məˈtrɪkyəlɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[v. muh-trik-yuh-leyt; n. muh-trik-yuh-lit]
verb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.	to enroll in a college or university as a candidate for a degree.

2.	to register (a coat of arms), used esp. in Scottish heraldry.

–verb (used without object)

3.	to be matriculated.

–noun

4.	a person who has been matriculated.

Flummoxed

So I've been slightly passive and neglectful about my newfound resolutions, but it didn't really feel like the new year until I was back in the dorms. Now that I'm back here and getting into a routine again I can start my resolutions and reaffirm my commitment to keep them.

Today's word:

flummox
flum·mox (flŭm'əks)
To confuse; perplex.

Close

I got an email today. It contained words with weight. The kind where you can only read so much before you're filled. The kind that sometimes feel like a sock in the gut, or a tug at the heart. The kind that make we want to grab her and squeeze her tight and hold her close.

Would it be possible to juice the pain out of someone by squeezing them?

I ache for her. I want to be near her, take her arm in arm and let her know that there is a way of peace. Things are hard for her and relief doesn't seem to be coming fast enough. But I guess that is how life goes sometimes. Very slow, sometimes too slow, and sometimes it stops and turns and turns and turns until you start to cry because your head aches. You peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made, and stick it into some, someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood, and walking arm in arm. Sometimes life hurts. A lot of times life is hard.

But I can't stand the feeling of being thousands of miles away. It feels like the ways I can reach out, love, and teach are suffocated by the ocean. How do I get there?! I'm so frustrated and I don't know how to fix it. Seems like I've felt that way again and again the last few days.

Hopelessness is a despairing feeling with no productivity. It forces you into a vacuum that feeds off of the things that you aren't. I hope to squelch it soon, loosen its grip and force it out of the lives of those whom I so ardently love.

Google

Have you ever Googled yourself? I felt really conceited, but I found out a few interesting tid-bits. The first is that I am on ReverbNation. This struck me as odd seeing as I never made an account, but I have a few suspects. First and foremost? Dan. He wants me to go online for some reason. He puts his own stuff up on Purevolume and once upon a time made a membership for me. Then he said, "Alright! It's up to you to write, record and publish!" Yeah. Right. I never did a thing. The thing is, I have never had an interest in recording or "making it big" nor do I think I have the capacity to do so. I recorded for my mom who paid for the whole thing and don't plan on recording ever again. It was fun. Once.

I also found a girl's Myspace page who vented to her friend about me a few years ago about some art project. Apparently I made a secret deal with the teacher??? I have no recollection of what she was talking about. There is also a boy in Berlin who has me listed as his favorite music. Who knew?

There are race stats which say I never finished the race. Well, I did. Just for the record. My litle shoe thingy must have been defective.

There is a HOSA competition thing.

A whole slew of art stuff ranging from Gallery OneTen to the Congressional Art Competition.

Hope Squad newspaper article from the Deseret News and a page from the Utah Valley Magazine.

Where did it come from? Weird.

Resolved

With the New Year ringing in, resolutions are expected and they are something I've been known to go over board on. Two years ago I had over 72 things written down to complete/improve upon in the year of '06. Granted, some were just random things like: eat a hot dog on the roof, but others were of a more serious nature and were used to stretch me. I documented all of them in my journal and dated the checklist as I completed each item. This year I think I'll do a bit of the same, force myself on erratic escapades but also include the areas of my life I earnestly want to strive to refine. Here's just a few.

1. Use the Thesaurus. I want to learn {and use} a new word every day. How cool would it be to wind up with over 300 new words in my vocabulary.
2. Take more baths. Every person should resolve to take more baths. Scrunch yourself into your {in my case, tiny} tub and immerse your ears, just to listen to the beat of your own heart.
3. Don't forget the little things. Little things are like saying morning prayers, stopping to help someone, taking out your ear phones on campus and appreciating the air, having real intent, genuinely caring . . . maybe this one is too broad . . .
4. Travel to 4 different countries. This could be hard and if needs be, I might have to count California as a foreign land.
5. Run a Triathlon. It was funny, a good friend made the same resolution and it made me smile. Hopefully Mom and I will be able to conquer the feat together {hint hint}
6. Read a book that sounds boring. This may sound like a strange one, but I think it's important to learn to give everything a chance.
7. Do something that scares me. I don't really know what scares me, so this will have to be more carefully defined as I hone in on what it is that makes me feel unnerved.
8. Eat a strange food. I've seen weird things hanging in butcher shop windows and watched this guy who eats things I wouldn't even dream of sampling and it has inspired me to broaden my horizons, and my taste buds.
9. Get up Water Skiing. As embarrassing as it is, waterskis have been the bane of my Lake Powell existence. Everyone says "you just pop up!" well I've never popped and my 5 year old cousins kick my trash on the skis. Even wakeboarding was easier, but I feel like a familial outcast because my waterskiing skills are exceptionally sub-par.
10. Sketch. I miss the days when my sketchbook followed me everywhere and my eyes were constantly observing, feasting, waiting to prey upon the next great thing to grab me and follow the fluid motion of my hand as I translate it into lines and shapes on paper. This means, I need to buy a new one.