Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Give

Tuesday I went to the regularly scheduled devotional this week after a promise from BrightBoy that it was sure to be a good one. The speaker was Arthur C. Brooks, a public policy, economy, businessy guy from New York. I was skeptical. But after just minutes of his address, I was captivated by the power of his words.

In short he said that after hearing reports that charitable donations actually made a person wealthier, he set out to prove those reports to be false. In his mind you make money first. Give later. But again and again, his hypothesis was proven wrong. Not only that, but psychoanalytic findings also proved that those who were more charitable were also happier.

America gives charitable donations that eclipse the givings of other nations. And Utah (by no big surprise) is the leader in charitable donations in the United States. Brooks said, this is reason to be "pleased" with ourselves. Not proud. The scriptures warn against that.

This reminded me of a verse I read in D&C. It reads:
And again, verily I say unto you, my servant Joseph, that whatsoever you give on earth, and to whomsoever you give any one on earth, by my word and according to my law, it shall be visited with blessings and not cursings, and with my power, saith the Lord, and shall be without condemnation on earth and in heaven. (D&C 132:48)
The devotional came only days after we had a lesson in marriage preparation where we talked about finances and the topic of donations to the church, tithing, and so forth was brought up. BrightBoy and I both came away feeling good about our finances and I was excited to get in a consistent habit as a couple to give as much as we are able, because the price for blessings is never too high (not that you have to purchase them . . . )

After Brook's devotional, I was even more ready to take the charge to be charitable. For charity never faileth.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Love

(Okay this post is long. And it could definitely fall into the category of Cheesy McCheeserson, but after a bit of probing I consented to post "The Greatest Love Story Ever" by BrightBoy and Ardently. Problem is, Now everyone's alias is going to be revealed. Hopefully the stalkers miss this post.)
It sounded fun. I hadn’t seen Kylie or Sarah since London, and any excuse to reminisce—to relive the rejuvenating and clarifying affects in being in that foggy city—was welcome. Sarah called me up a few days before; apparently Kylie delegated finding models for her photo shoot to her and I was at the top of her list. Not for looks, but because we missed London, and the only connection to it we could find was each other—the best souvenirs we brought home from that Spring.

As I was walking out the door to meet them my Mom caught sight of my toenails and was appalled. I looked down and realized that I had forgotten to fix what my cousin Sadie had so excitedly done to me. Half of my toes were painted a messy pink and the other half a mottled purple. My mom was right. They looked terrible. I rushed upstairs to find a different pair of shoes and grabbed my white ones from H&M. I left the house at 4:45. That’s when I was supposed to be there. I really hate being late. I think it’s genetic.

I showed up at 887 Chandell, Kylie’s apartment, and the front door was open. I heard her voice coming from inside and I ran up the stairs and threw my arms around her. It had been far too long. There were three boys there. Kylie only knew one of them well, but she made fast friends and introduced them to me in order: Michael, Chris, and Jeremiah. I politely said, “Good to meet you,” and took a seat on the couch. I quickly ignored the others in the room and soon started up that quick girlish chatter that friends so easily fall into. When Sarah got there the conversation opened up again, Michael took the seat on the far end of the couch I was sitting on and we exchanged a few words like “where are you from” and “do you know so and so.” You know, small talk.

Soon Kylie got her camera, passed out the sodas and grabbed the popsicles. We all walked out onto the steps to her building and started acting like cool kids in magazines with paper white smiles and summer tans. We sat hip-to-hip sipping sodas and pretended like we were friends. Was his name Jared? Or Jeremiah? And where did Michael go to school again? The shoot only lasted a few minutes and was interspersed with conversations that I was completely uninterested in having.


It was only a short month earlier that I had gotten over getting dumped bad leftovers and left wondering what I was going to do with myself. I knew even back in February when I was enduring the whole ordeal that it was one of the most unfruitful and ill-matched relationships I could have wound up in, yet there I was, months later and across the Atlantic still mourning the loss of companionship. I don’t think I missed him I just missed that there was one. Finally, by July I found myself feeling free, Feeling me. Finally. I wasn’t interested in introducing any variables. Sure the boys at Kylie’s were cute, but I was not about to put myself back on the table, only to get tossed a month later. I was closed, protected, but trying to hide it. Apparently I failed.

* * *

Let’s back it up a bit.

The night of July 18th was a bust. Or at least that is what my friends were trying to convince me. I, on the other hand, could not be dissuaded from fact that I had met some cute and easy-going girl named Kylie Nixon at some random party. So, I diligently denied that our night was ho-hum. After all, this was supposed to be the summer of endless fun: the time of my life. Over a month earlier I had ended my spring relationship and I felt that my social life was surely on the upswing. I was, and remain, an incurable optimist.

Less than a week later, I got a call from Chris, who had just gotten back from a semester away in Hawaii. He said that he had had been talking to a family friend, Kylie Nixon, about helping her out with a photo shoot that she had to do for a summer internship. He said that she had remembered me from the bizarre Fiesta party. He wanted me to come with him and Jeremiah to be in Kylie’s photo shoot.

It was great news.

It seemed like the perfect summer activity: pictures, popsicles, and vanity. How self-gratifying to think that my mug could be showing up on a future issue of Square Magazine!

So, the evening came and I headed over to Kylie’s, who lived practically next door, at 4:45. (That was when Sarah, Kylie’s friend, had told me to be there.) I walked in and no one was there. It was just me with Kylie whom I hardly knew. My optimism about the outing was not dampened, however. Luckily, Chris and others showed up soon. Along with Sarah Orme was another blonde girl who was introduced to me as Paige.

As cheesy and cliché as it sounds, I was sure that I had seen her around before. Perhaps she just had that typical Timpview look—hot. (It’s is really uncanny how many great looking girls come out of Provo’s East Egg).


* * *

They were going to Park City to go swimming at Chris’ condo. Stretching a bathing suit over my pale, chubby London body and traipsing around in front of strangers was one of the last things I wanted to do right then. Sarah raised an eyebrow and asked what better things I had to do that night. My measly attempt at creating something was “finishing up the wedding shower invitations I’m making for Katie’s wedding…” That was shot down almost before I finished saying it, and the next thing I knew I was speeding home in my blue 1990 Honda Accord to shove some food down my throat, shave my legs and grab a suit. I guess I gave bad directions because they completely missed my house and I was on the phone standing on the curb when the suburban captained by Chris rolled to a stop at my toes.

The only seat left in the car was in the very back on the passenger side. Kylie sat in the middle seat that split Michael and I and after settling myself in, I remained pretty quiet on

the way to our first stop off at the Dairy Keen in Heber. I remember getting jealous of Kylie and Kellee showing off what little Spanish they knew to Michael who was praising their skills at every rolled R and double L sound. I kept attempting to start conversations with Sarah that bridged the seats, but they quickly fizzled when her neck was strained or I couldn’t hear above the foreign language club to my left. It’s just easier to talk to the person sitting next to you.

Soon the Spanish died down and Kylie and Michael started chatting it up about his mission and topics like music and politics. Feeling my social feet find their footing in topics I felt well versed in, I jumped on board the conversation train and put aside my seeming necessity to play defense. Next thing I knew we pulled up at the Dairy Keen and we all piled out. I had already eaten, so I picked at Sarah’s fries and mostly just listened until they all finished up and we piled back in the car.

The rest of the car ride up was easy, laid back, fun. We texted Cha-Cha our names, asking who we were and all of us got answers like “Paige Crosland is Facebook friends with Rob Dahl, Charisse Williams and Russell Gardner.” Nothing too exciting. But I learned that night that Michael’s middle name is Neal. And he uses it in his Facebook Profile.

* * *

Over the course of seven hours I realized that this Paige was no mere typical Timpview girl. However, the impression that she was just “ too cool for school” left at a gradual thaw. This was because during the first couple of hours, she was less-than-conversational and mostly reserved. Unfortunately, when a pretty girl acts reserved, guys nearly always take it as being stuck up. Anyway, the first time that I thought that this Paige girl was more than just “too cool for school” was at the Dairy Keen in Heber.

When we got there each of us ordered our food on our own. As I was in the line to order, I couldn't help but notice that there was a puberty and pimple ridden teenage boy at the cash register. He seemed very nervous. It was probably his first day. As my turn to order arrived, the young man looked past me to an old man, and then, turning his head to the ground he said, “Hi Grandpa.” I had to bit my lip to stop from laughing.

Still with a smile, I headed back with my food to the table that had been saved by the others 9photo shoot models. I sat down and begin to relay my funny story to Lindsey and others sitting close. Everyone laughed. But the loudest laugh was from Paige who was sitting clear down on the other end of the table. When I heard her laugh and saw her great smile, I thought, “Is she quietly watching me?”

We continued up to Park City. We in the back row talked about music. Kylie and I tried to hint to Paige that she was un-American for not liking at least a little country. Paige and I then exchanged a few “Have-you-heard-of…?”s and swapped stories about being judged for liking a band called the New Pornographers.

* * *

When we got up to Deer Valley we took a look at the pool from Chris’ condo on the third floor and decided to take a walk down the hills to the summer ski slopes. We sat there swinging on the lift and relishing in the mountain air. I wanted to take pictures, to remember the freshness that came from forgetting myself and letting go. My camera was in my bag back in the room, so Jeremiah offered to go with me and together we trekked up the hill (it was on this short jaunt that I realized Jeremiah was actually Beau Jewkes who had been a household name my freshman year among the Good Women of 2111. It was insane).

When we got back, the group had left the lifts and we found them on the roof of the lodge, sitting, laughing. It was refreshing to be up there with people who just seemed so good. The night was perfect. It was at that certain temperature when you can’t tell where your arm ends and the air begins unless there’s a breeze. It felt fluid. We sat together and somehow I again ended up next to Michael. We laughed about how we wore shirts nearly the same color, and posed for more pictures with Kylie behind the camera. I remember thinking he was personable, and impossibly polite. But I quickly reminded myself that I was not interested. At all. Not. Interested.


After we clamored off the roof and went up to the room to change, we hopped in the pool and I quickly joined the boys for a rousing game of Speed. I got worked. Royally. Both games. There may have been playful banter, but it wasn’t until we were inside wrapped in colorful terry cloth towels that I felt like I was in with the crowd. Bmnbnbnvmbnv bonded over Raffi. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring! Banana phone! Michael and I laughed about growing up to these ridiculous songs, and were amazed at how many we remembered.

* * *

The night was great. We hopped on a stationary Deer Valley chair lift and talked. Then, we climbed on top of the ski lodge and talked. After, we dipped into hot tub and talked. There we were, the seven of us, enjoying the summer. We talked about Facebook foibles, how Lindsey and I see each other on campus more often than we see our professors, how Kylie wanted everyone to visit Ogden canyon and ski Snow Basin, and how all of the girls loved London. We all talked, we all flirted, and we all had a great time.

Despite the friendly and non-romantic atmosphere, I thought Paige was a doll.

From the time we got out of the pool, Paige and I talked more. I scored some serious points when I mentioned Pizzaria 712 and Raffi. When we piled back into the car to head home, I hoped Paige and I would sit close so we could talk on the way home. We did.

Our conversation settled on our experiences abroad. Her expressions about her formative time with a German family in Meißen and with Nigerians in England resonated with me. I could tell that Paige, as my Grandpa would say, “has something under the hood.”

* * *

I got back thinking very highly of Michael. Conversation was easy, he was smart, and attractive. I remember thinking he would be a perfect match for my best friend Melissa because as I had to so often remind myself, I was not interested. I texted her when I got home, “I think I found your soul mate,” and told my sister that I have a future-date candidate for her. I thought he was great, but I still felt too much angst about even thinking about the slightest chance of getting in a relationship.

A few days later Melissa and I were riding our bikes down University Avenue to get some frozen yogurt. The perfect summer snack. On our way I was telling her about Michael, I had only stalked his Facebook a handful of times since we first met, so I was relaying all the reasons why he was her soul mate. Ironically, right then I saw him riding his bike toward us. I was so surprised I practically yelled, “Hey! How’s it going?” we both skid to a stop and exchanged a few words before he got my number (and I fully planned on giving his to Melissa).

The next day he called me up for dinner. Two days after that I had a bonfire and was sure to text him a casual invite. Numerous texts passed. We went on a bike date, a marathon scavenger hunt date, a movie outing at Rock Canyon Park, and then several Monday night runs. School started and I tried not to stalk him in the library. And the rest, as they say, is history.

* * *

I didn’t get her number that night. I thought it would be a little too over anxious. However, I did think about her a lot. I decided that the first overture had to be subtle: I planed it all out. Over Facebook, I would be to ask her the name of some of the bands that she told me about on the way to Park City.

It worked. When she wrote me back with the names of the bands, I quickly checked them out so that I could get back to her. I immediately recognized that this girl has good taste and was definitely my style.

One day, I went over to Rob’s apartment. I didn’t have a set car during the summer, so I was left with one choice—ride my bike. I am so glad I did. As I approached University Parkway, I saw a familiar face. It was Paige. She looked surprised to see me too. We talked about how we loved bike riding in the summer and joked about my blue and pink, 1991 Rock Hopper. I heard her great laugh again. As I was about to leave, she said, “So, we should all get together sometime.”

I was ecstatic. Really. No understatement. I told Rob that I didn’t care what we did that night. I already had my success.

I’m as excited today as I was then.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Outside

This post by one of my favorite people on the planet earth struck me today. It felt like a call to action; a call to step outside myself more each day and see.

It's easy for me to get overwhelmed easily. When I was more current on world events and such last semester, it almost got oppressive to know how much suffering and how much filth was out there. But I'd prefer to know than turn a blind eye. It just makes me wonder what we are expected to do. At this point, I can barely handle my own dealings, much less others.

My own checklists consume me. Dress dropped off to the tailor's. Bridesmaids dresses ordered. Sized. Returned. Cake meeting on the 6th. Tailor's on the 27th. 4:00. Invite file sent. Homework? Sculpture. Stone carving. Pick up check. Sandblast bronze. Visiting Teaching. Pick Hymns. Scholarship application. Job finding? Meeting next Wednesday. . . Consumed.

I think she hit on a good point of education that I have dealt with my entire college career which is the more I learn the more it seems to drown me. All of the sudden I see more, and it makes more questions, more considerations, more---

Education makes her brain hurt. It makes mine hurt too. But I think the pain is worth it.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Prison

The first devotional this year was given by Jeffery R. Holland and centered on Joseph Smith's experience in Liberty Jail. A few days ago in class we were still focusing on Sections 121, 122, and 123 and I was impressed by the instructive power that both temples and the trying times provide. When I listened to Elder Holland's devotional this year he promised that "those six pages [sections 121, 122, and 123] will touch your heart with beauty and truth."

I thought a lot about how the innate wish of most everyone is to have beauty and truth, to know what they are, and to see them work in their lives. I've found that what Elder Holland said was true, that those six pages indeed touch your heart and shed light on what beauty and truth are.

Everyone will be called upon to face trying times. As individuals, families, communities and nations we will have to ask why we face such sorrows. We will be tempted to cry as Jesus did, "why has thou forsaken me?" However, when these trying times persist, we must continue to remember that God is right there with us, where he has always been. We must know that God hears our prayers and knows our distresses. It is out of these "stony griefs...so by my sorrow to be nearer my God to thee," that through these instructive temple prison times, we may come closer to God and hear more clearly his voice.

These sections remind me again and again that God is close. And we are cherished children.

Vegas

  • 1 late start
  • 2 car alarms
  • 1 scary car ride
  • 1 stop for fries
  • 1 aerobed
  • 1 jack-and-jill bathroom without doorknobs
  • 4 babies
  • 3 sudden outbursts of unison singing
  • 1 swimming pool
  • 1 40-minute wait
  • 1 table for 19
  • 4 pizzas
  • 2 buckets of chicken
  • 6 boxes of leftovers
  • 1 play room full of toys
  • 5 miles of trail run-walking
  • 1 bike
  • 40 pieces of french toast
  • 2 pints of home made syrup
  • 1 hot tub
  • 1 nap
  • 1 walk to the park
  • 1 phone call to 911
  • 1 almost-missed dinner reservations
  • 1 Santa Fe Chicken Tostada Salad
  • 1 almost-missed show in the Wynn
  • 90 minutes of beauty
  • 40 minutes of "shopping"
  • 1 much needed night's rest
  • 1 blue berry muffin
  • 1 throwing up fiance
  • 1 puking soon-to-be-father-in-law
  • 2 CTR cut-outs
  • 20 minutes late to church
  • 45 minutes of church
  • 10 handfuls of chips and crackers
  • 100 indexed names
  • 120 Mega Blocks on my bed
  • 3 times
  • 1000s of laughs

Adventurous

I've lived through a series of movies the last four days. Remember the opening scene of Home Alone when the family is swimming in mass chaos as they try to get to the airport? That is my future in-laws. After waiting for a good hour and a half, The Boss arrived and sent everyone into a frenzy of car packing and last-minute to-dos. We were all packed tightly in the car when BrightBoy-who so tightly packed the car, turned off the toilets (I didn't even know it was possible to turn off a toilet), switched off lights and locked the doors-walked out the garage door and tried to get in the car. For some reason, when he pulled on the handle, the car alarm went off and it seemed like a perfect fit for the sitcom I just lived through.

The drive down was treacherous. I've never endured roads that bad, and I was fuming at the driver for a short period of time. Trying to seem optimistic, I smiled when MotherCheer looked back and asked how we were doing. In my head I wanted to answer, "I've seen my life pass before my eyes half a dozen times, but sure, everything is just peachy." Between the blizzard and the fog, all I really wanted to do was bury my head in my pillow and drift off to a sunny, safe dream land-where the carpets may be dirty, but at least they're dry and keep my feet warm, until the car pulled safely into the driveway in Las Vegas.

Two days ago at breakfast we were eating and suddenly the entire family broke out into song about one of the grandkids with customized lyrics and everything. This wasn't the last of the sing-a-longs. I felt like we were in Hairspray. Except I didn't know any of the lyrics.

Yesterday morning reminded me a bit of Meet the Parents, except I'm not the one creating commical episodes at every scene change. I'm just the one laughing at them. Just like in Dan in Real Life, we had a big family exercise morning (which made me wonder if the talent portion of the evening was coming up). Everyone geared up, and true to InLaw form, we got off late, but I didn't mind. I was sore from the run the day before, the ride over was through a beautiful landscape.

The Boss was stuck on coming even though he may have not been up for it. So rather than run with the rest of the troops, he got all geared up with helmet, spandex, biking shoes and all, and coasted along side the rest of us. That is, until we turned the corner and headed toward the mountain on a hiking trail. The road bike just doesn't do so well on rocks. And neither did his feet in those shoes. The OLDEST! told him that the bike could handle most of the trail which may have been the grossest over-statement in the history of the world. We ended up taking turns carrying the bike along the five-mile trail and wishing for a gurney to strap The Boss to inorder to get him out of there.


We all made it. Barely. But I couldn't stop laughing at the hysterical sight of us with The Boss propped on our shoulders and the bike getting caught on branches as we trudged through the muddy trails on our way back to the car.

Adventurous may be an understatement.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Confused

How embarrassing.

I guess you know you're too busy when you can't keep track of what day it is. I have been a calendar day ahead since Monday. Yesterday I prematurely posted about Darwin's big double-century, and this morning on my way to class I called my mom and wished her a happy birthday. Newsflash: it's not the 13th of February. Who knew?

So continuing my overly punctual birthday wishing trend: here's to you Mom. Happy 29th.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Suffering

I was sitting in my English class when someone laughed at the fact that Michel Foucault died of AIDS. I don't think it's funny. Human suffering is never funny, no matter how their suffering was contracted.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Great

Recently I was introduced to a book on business entitled Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap . . . and Others Don't by Jim Collins. Now I'm in nowise a business woman (my mind simply doesn't think that way) but I am a concept woman. The things that thrill me are those seemingly invisible gems that cause the mundane to sparkle. The golden hearts, the silver-linings. The first line of Collin's book is one such gem. It reads, "Good is the enemy of great." I've been pondering that line since my eyes first traced its contour on the page. He goes on to write:
We don't have great schools principally because we have good schools. We don't have great government principally because we have good government. Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.
His words penetrated me and rang out in an agreeing response: how true it is! It made me wonder what sort of life I'm leading. I'd like to think that I'm living a great life, that I'm making every day one that is full to the brim, as full as it possibly could be (sometimes I think I'm too good at that). But I quickly realized that maybe what makes life great is not the grandiose or the constant lists that fill your time. Rather, a great life is one filled with the best of the little things.

What is life? Life is the nice big thing you enter each morning as the alarm goes off, urging your feet to meet the cool carpet for the day and stretch with your hands on the bottom of your back. It is turning on the radio to see if something terrible happened while you were sleeping. You know simply by the sound of their voices, and as soon as you hear that they are calm and nice and boring, you more than usually tune them out and busy yourself with getting ready. Life is stepping outside for the day and recognizing the feeling of sunshine on your hands and face and smelling the grass that your neighbor woke up early to trim. Life is what happens behind your computer screen. But life is more of what happens beyond your screen, it's going by like the wind and if you want you can step out and feel it.

Life is that inborn urgency that calls us to get moving, to reach further, and to let ourselves get caught up and tangled. Because it's only through the process of unraveling ourselves that we really see us clearly. Life is the now, it's the you, it's the me, it's the us. Life can be great if we relish in the simple, and leave behind the muttled, second-rate good.

Temples

It always impresses me how principles or lessons seem to come in waves. They inevitably ebb and flow with the rest of life, but it inspires me how the Lord speaks to us in multiple settings all at once to ensure that the message gets across. There was a time in my life when I was a senior in high school where it felt like everything I read, multiple lessons, and conversations all revolved around womanhood. What strength there is in stalwart women.

The current phase I find myself in is one in which the focus of everything around me seems to be magnifying the importance of the temple and the ordinances participated therein. Reading in my class has been revolving around sections where the Lord revealed specific ordinances to the early saints. Learning about some of these ordinances in a historical context makes me excited for when I get to enter the temple in a just a few short months. It is incredible to me that the event I have been preparing for since I was small and thinking about seriously since I was a Beehive is so close to taking place. I am anxious to continue to know my Father better by going through his Holy House.

Bump

I hate speed bumps. I have always hated speed bumps. They're perpetually in the way and lots of people go even faster to diminish the obnoxious jolt that comes with them, thus denying them their purpose in the first place.

I think I have one in my throat. It's large, red, slimy, and it hurts real bad. It's getting too big for my tongue to fit back there. This is a problem.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Me Love You

on North Temple and Main Street
on the driveway
at Diego's
on the porch
at the Heritage Halls Central Building
in the Defender
at 350 N Main St # 600
in the Range Rover
in Brian
at Nun's Park
in a the JFSB parking garage
Row 23498234 Seats 29384 and 23984
at the Gateway
in the Varsity Theatre
in the Avenues parking garage
in Mark's garage
in Spark
on a tube
in a corn maze
in the Pardoe
in my garage
in the carport
on a run
while OlderAndWiserToo was driving
in most of the rooms in the basement of the MARB
in the De Jong
in the Terrace
on 3rd floor of the HFAC
on the 5th floor of the HFAC
in Elizabeth's office
at 7Eleven
in the Provo Library
at Sammy's
on the corner of Center and Freedom
in the secret cave
in front of LittleRed
in the Science/Maps
in the Periodicals
right next to Tchaikovsky
in front of the MARB
in the Kennedy Center
behind Doodler's back

Grandmother

Today my grandmother used the word "romp" in a sentence.

I almost died.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Odor

My bag smells like old sandwiches. It's terrible. I think it is making my scriptures smell like BO. I was so confused on Sunday when I was holding my things and talking to people and kept getting that all-too-unpleasant waft of body odor. I couldn't figure it out. Did everyone smell? Was it me? I showered that morning and my clothes were fresh out of the wash. While talking to a few friends I bent over slightly and smelled my scriptures. It was them. They smelled like the gym and recess and yard work and conditioning all at once. It was horrible.

Good thing I have to get a new pair soon anyway.
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