Catching up: A Log of Sorts

Rather than blogging consistently, I've been jotting down notes in my sktechbook about things I'd love to muse on and blog about if I got around to doing it.

Obviously I haven't.

But this blog serves as my history, as a record of what I think about, not just what I do, so I feel a little bit of pressure to record these thoughts and archive them digitally. Why do I feel this pressure? I've a freak. I guess. Also, since this blog will also serve as a tool for posterity, I want it to be known that even though I'll become old and mindless, I once had a mind. An active mind.

So here is the list and some abbreviated musings:

1.6.10
What is an abundant life? What does it mean to have an abundance? What makes life full? When I think about this I immediately think of the people who fill me. Fill me with love, with spirit, with experience, with joy, with laughter, with heartache. But much of what I associated with abundance is directly tied to those I love.

1.12.10
Thomas Kinkade is a fraud! He claims to be up there with Picasso. IS HE OUT OF HIS SKULL?!! I guess it all depends on what your definition of art is. What is art? What is real art? I think, sure, you can call a Kinkade art, but only in a formal sense. It's paint. On canvas (which is then digitally reproduced, commodified, cheapened, turned into lamps and coffee table books, and now turned into a subdivision).

He makes me cringe. His art is not about ideas, it's not about filling someone, helping them discover an abundant life. It is about fantasy and making lots of money on his "original reproductions" (what kind of art-sucking ignorant oxy-moron is that?) which are printed on canvas and then highlighted by a bunch of factory workers with paint brushes.

Thomas Kinkade is a fraud. He's shoving fast-food art down America's throat so that are too full to enjoy real, filling experience with fine art.

1.25.10
The importance of an education. I never realized before to day how rare it is and how lucky I am to have all four of my grandparents with college degrees. Not only that, I'm married to someone who also shares that blessing. What sort of legacy have I been given? What sort of legacy does that compel me to create?

Thoughts on education and the divorce gap/marriages in my family.

2.8.10
Mikey and I were reading the family handbook of the church and we got into a discussion about gender roles. I was a little bothered because the men's were outlined in detail, and several pages long. The women's consisted of a few paragraphs. Maybe women are just more intuitive about what our roles are. Maybe we have so many that it isn't possible to define them all (accountant, nurse, teacher, cook, cleaner, laundress, chauffeur/taxi, groomer, stylist, decorator, designer, mother, companion . . . )

This lead to Mikey explaining to me how the more our (his and mine) souls commune, the more clearly his soul can commune with God. It made me think about progress and how interconnected men and women are in our goals and progression.

3.17.10
The gospel of Jesus Christ is not at odds with feminism nor does it preach male domination. It has never preferred nor does it have use for women who are weak, lesser-than or unimportant.
(I have been writing up my thoughts on this sporadically, a longer post is soon to follow)

3.30.10
We are alienated from so much of our lives: how our food is made, how our clothes are made, the production of everything we consume really. It makes me feel a need to learn to be more self-sufficient, to reconnect myself with the work and the money that goes into meeting my needs (many of these such "needs" are, I'm sure, fabricated and have come from an inflated need as a result of living in an affluent society).

True fulfillment comes through work. There just isn't another way to it. Imitations of fulfillment cheapen the experience which is often spiritual. We were made to work. There is so much trying to bounce around trying to "fulfill" ourselves without lifting a finger.

Could it be that we have so many choices that people are unhappy with where they are at, thinking that maybe if I had chosen something "better" I would be happier? Do people get out because they see what they are supposedly "missing" out on that is bringing others "happiness?"

4.5.10
 What is the difference between light minded and light hearted? What is the difference between somber and sober?
 
4.12.10
Nature doesn't need us, but we need nature.

4.27.10
British Literature and post-colonialism. Why is it that African schools, in a post-colonial society, are still being force-fed British literature first? Why is it that we, as Americans, are still taught British literature first in school? (More on this later, to be sure).

Finals

This is what two solid days of studying and busyness does to your hair:

Didn't even have to tease one bit and my straw-like locks stick straight out on their own.

I'm dreaming of the time after this semester when supposedly all of my time frees up to do those things I've put off for a year (finish my wedding album, start working on various art projects I barely have time to jot down let alone push forward on, finish the movie I got a grant to make over a year ago...)

For some reason I still believe that "I'll have more time when..." even though, as per experience of 21 years, it has happened less times than I have fingers.

But shouldn't something lighten up after I dump 17.5 credits and trade them for 6?

Hopefully, at the very least, I'll have a little more time to feel clean and showered, scrubbed and polished.

Rather than looking like I was just bowled over by a tornado.

Lamb-y?

If spring were a person, I’d accuse her of moodiness or, at the very least, a serious case of indecisiveness. Take the nursery rhymes, for instance: in like a lion, out like a lamb; April showers bring May flowers . . .

Hands on hips, right toe tapping, I ask this question day in and day out this time of year--Which is it, spring?  Are you a lion or a lamb?   Are you showers or flowers? I'd really like to know right about now because this morning I scraped ice off my windshield and now I'm rolling up my sleeves in the sun.

Truly Spring, you're a trying friend. You whisper to me of the warmer days, teasing me with tales of sunshine and strawberries you say are coming soon.  But the next day you blow snow down my neck. . . such a tease!

So really now Spring, can't you be more lamb-y? Can't you be more, well, spring-y?

And soon. Please soon? I forgot how to dress myself warmly and sweaters are really becoming a drag.

Autumnal

I wish I was Nathaniel.

Interested

I've had three themes rolling around in my head for weeks, namely, Zion, family, education.

Sunday we got together with a group of LDS idealists and talked about what we think Zion will look like. We didn't get very far, but the discussion was completely illuminating and brought together a lot of things that I've been thinking about. Especially in the realm of family. I posted about the importance of the family unit a few weeks ago. Since then my mind feels like it's being driven by humming bird wings. There's a constant hum in my head because the ideas are so numerous and they're whirling so fast.

One of the caveats we explored Sunday night was that of education. Some were arguing to cut out a core curriculum entirely and focus more on community-based programs that meet the specific needs and interests of the families involved. Their bottom line was that our education system is debunked and it might has well be shelved and replaced with something else. It's just too far gone and out of control.

I do and don't agree.

I do believe there are a lot of problems with public schools. But I don't think the problems are unrepairable. I think that a majority of the problems could be fixed if we fixed our families first. The list of problems is long. Students are unmotivated. Teachers can't control their big class sizes. Test scores aren't where they need to be to be competitive internationally . . . but I think the underlying cause of it all is that parents are no longer invested in what their kids are learning. There is one extreme of parents joining commonwealths to bring in scholars who educate their kids on certain subjects. There is paying comparable college tuition costs to send your kids to a private school. But a much easier solution that could go a long way: read with your kids, do math together, research the questions they ask you together. Parents are the missing link in unmotivated, disinterested kids. They are taught at home that school is more of a rite-of-passage, rather than an exciting endeavor. Education always equals money, rather than fulfillment, understanding, culture, service (the list goes on and on and on).

I'm not a mom, but I have spent the last 3 months pretending. One of the best things that I've seen while I've watched these kids is how interested they are in everything. Their sense of wonder hasn't been lost in the sometimes mundane school days. But here's the catch: they all go to public schools. The difference? What happens in the home. Their place mats are maps of different continents and we talk about geography, history, and culture at dinner while pointing out the places we're discussing on the map. They like space. We do space. We build planets, we read books, we look up the launch of the Atlantis Space Shuttle on YouTube, we read clippings from the newspaper about the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11, we . . . (get the picture?) Sure it takes a little more effort, but here these boys are, just as stuck in the so-called mire of the public school system as any other kid and they are still excited by learning.

So what am I getting at? Zion? Pseudo-momming? The Atlantis Space Shuttle?

Here's what I think would be great. I don't know how we could do it, but just picture this.

What if parents a) had the time and b) the motivation to not only be interested in what their kids are learning, but work on fostering that love of learning in them as children. These children grow up as passionate people who feel empowered by their education and some of them go back into the school system, infusing it with committed, passionate, practicing educators who not only teach, but are interested in their field of study to the point where their education doesn't stop either and they're actually working in their prospective field. So the cycle continues and continues until families are committed, education is a priority and all of the sudden we're closer to the society that can usher in the Savior.

I honestly believe that if we had a better handle on those two things, our world would look completely different. (And half of you are saying, well, duh).

But it has made me feel empowered. Like maybe I can be a little part in turning this ship around. Maybe I can raise my family in such a way that they are excited to contribute to the community and they are anxious to continue learning and expanding their minds in an effort to understand more fully the gospel, and humanity, and how they should live their own lives to bring about change.

Individual

In the wake of the Nation's birthday, I pause to reflect on what exactly American Independence has come to mean. What used to be the strength of our nationality, our individuality and independence, now seems to be tearing at the very social fabric of which we are all a part. The current American social fabric is becoming one where people would rather stand on their own, relish in their own independence and put their individuality above the united body, rather than contribute to the strength of the collective whole. It doesn't take a genius to tell you that fabrics don't fair well when the pieces refuse to hold together.

What is causing this societal fraying? Last September, David Brooks wrote an article entitled, "The Social Animal," in which he states:

The problem is, this individualist description of human nature seems to be wrong. Over the past 30 years, there has been a tide of research in many fields, all underlining one old truth — that we are intensely social creatures, deeply interconnected with one another and the idea of the lone individual rationally and willfully steering his own life course is often an illusion.

There's the key. We are "deeply interconnected with one another," and hard facts are starting to prove that a mere sociality can't replace the integral, underlying structure of society: the family. It's the basics folks. If we want things to stop feeling shaky, we need to fortify the foundation. And that means getting back to creating a concrete family structure.

While running in the so-called, "Mommy circles" back East, I have been surprised at the number of women who regretted their initial distaste for family, placing every priority in front of settling down with a husband and having kids. One woman mentioned that she was raised by a feminist mother and as a result grew up with an attitude that family comes last because it's all about me, my individuality, my wants and my needs as a woman. Now she wishes she had known the truth. She told me that she has found an incredible amount of satisfaction in motherhood, even though as a 43-year-old, she's only been at it for 6 years. She said her children often "put things in perspective" and help her understand what society really needs: a band of determined and stalwart mothers. Determined to make marriages last and raise their children to want families of their own.

The sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin said that what is significant about contemporary American families, compared with those of other nations, is their combination of "frequent marriage, frequent divorce" and the high number of "short-term co-habiting relationships." Taken together, these forces "create a great turbulence in American family life, a family flux, a coming and going of partners on a scale seen nowhere else. There are more partners in the personal lives of Americans than in the lives of people of any other Western country." In short, it's what he termed, "the Marriage-Go-Round" and it's ruining America.

Time Magazine's most recent issue is featuring the topic of American marriage failure and highlighting societal consequences (read the full article here). An excerpt reads:

"An increasingly fragile construct depending less and less on notions of sacrifice and obligation than on the ephemera of romance and happiness as defined by and for its adult principals, the intact, two-parent family remains our cultural ideal, but it exists under constant assault."

Sound familiar? The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Kimball, was saying the exact same thing in the 70's. The family is under attack. And marriage is at the center of that attack.

Time Magazine goes on:

"How much does this matter? More than words can say. There is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship and human misery in this country as the collapse of marriage."

Government is on board now, trying to combat the attack on family and the decay of our social structure. From Clinton's welfare-to-work programs, to Obama's statement that, "We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one," the call is beginning to echo from sources beyond the church.

Marriages need not fail so frequently, and we can't let them if we have any hope in repairing the tattered social fabric that exists in the United States.

Elder Ballard may have said it best when he wrote, "The family is not just the basic unit of society; it is the basic unit of eternity."

Give

Tuesday I went to the regularly scheduled devotional this week after a promise from BrightBoy that it was sure to be a good one. The speaker was Arthur C. Brooks, a public policy, economy, businessy guy from New York. I was skeptical. But after just minutes of his address, I was captivated by the power of his words.

In short he said that after hearing reports that charitable donations actually made a person wealthier, he set out to prove those reports to be false. In his mind you make money first. Give later. But again and again, his hypothesis was proven wrong. Not only that, but psychoanalytic findings also proved that those who were more charitable were also happier.

America gives charitable donations that eclipse the givings of other nations. And Utah (by no big surprise) is the leader in charitable donations in the United States. Brooks said, this is reason to be "pleased" with ourselves. Not proud. The scriptures warn against that.

This reminded me of a verse I read in D&C. It reads:

And again, verily I say unto you, my servant Joseph, that whatsoever you give on earth, and to whomsoever you give any one on earth, by my word and according to my law, it shall be visited with blessings and not cursings, and with my power, saith the Lord, and shall be without condemnation on earth and in heaven. (D&C 132:48)

The devotional came only days after we had a lesson in marriage preparation where we talked about finances and the topic of donations to the church, tithing, and so forth was brought up. BrightBoy and I both came away feeling good about our finances and I was excited to get in a consistent habit as a couple to give as much as we are able, because the price for blessings is never too high (not that you have to purchase them . . . )

After Brook's devotional, I was even more ready to take the charge to be charitable. For charity never faileth.

Granted

I have become mildly obsessed with this lately. I subscribe to the podcast and get a weekly audio treat for free. It's fantastic. I have listened to stories about baby switches, inmates performing Hamlet, break-ups and even some more serious pieces on the War on Terror and the plummeting economy. We usually get about 2 and a half episodes in during her class each Monday and Wednesday. Today we listened to a story about "going big" that features a new approach to ending urban poverty. The thought lies in bettering the children's future by teaching their parents to be parents. (It reminds me a bit of this song. So. Classic). It was not only inspiring to listen to these parents sacrificing so much in an effort to prevent their child from leading the life they had lead. It also reminded me of Obama's early education plan which, when I first looked at it, looked like a lot of hooey to me. Early education? Can't parents do that? I mean really, do we honestly need other people to sing to babies for us? But in listening to the show today, I learned that so many children had such a different upbringing that I had.

Of course cognitively I realize that my childhood wasn't like an inner city kids, but it just didn't cross my mind that they weren't sung to, or smiled at, or read to. Those just seem like intuitive things to do to a child. But many of the children growing up in inner cities can't read, many of them because no one ever read to them. (Speaking of books, another thing that reminded me of the program was this book. Thanks OlderAndWiserToo for the recommendation).

I realized that I had taken so much for granted, and that so many do who just assume that our life pretty much mirrors the life of most of the general populous. It just isn't so. It is everyone's job to make sure they're doing their part to take care of America's children; to create a safety net woven so tightly that children simply can't fall through. I'm just glad that people like him are willing to take a stab at such and overwhelming problem.

I took a moment today to be grateful for my parents, for my childhood, and days filled with wonderment and sing-song games. Who knows, maybe without it, I wouldn't be a Coug.

Settled

My mind had been at war for several days. Normalcy became maintaining sanity and preserving what little sense I felt I had left. But something changed.

And I've felt peace.

It was after reading through my favorite parts of this that I was lead to a series of references that not only spoke to my mind, but helped to calm my disquieted heart. In his address, he instructed us to substitute the phrase, "enabling and strengthening power" for the word "grace" when we came across the word in our scripture study. I took this advice and applied it to one of my favorite sections of scripture. With the slight alteration, it reads:

"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this enabling and strengthening power wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience hope:
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

A few parts struck me. Firstly, that it is through Christ that we are able to stand. It feels like lately I have been mentally, emotionally and spiritually weak; unable to stand. But through the enabling and strengthening power I can. And I can do it in an attitude of rejoicing and hope.

While I was sitting on the front pew Sunday morning, the words floated from the pulpit and penetrated my uneasy self. I realized that I was not alone--not in a spiritual sense, nor a physical one--but that I have guidance always and people always. People who are, in many senses, instruments in the hand of God to bring me closer to Him. This brought me comfort. My mind recalled a few verses that put the last few weeks in perspective, that opened my eyes to the whys and held me in a place of understanding.

It's always surprising to me how many times we have to be reminded of the Lord's unfailing love for us, and that because of His love, no doors are left unopened. Stumbling blocks may get in our way, but using these as stepping stones to higher ground, I know that with faith I can be strengthened, and I can be safe, and I can give love unfeigned. Because that's what I believe in.

Debate

I want it to be a good one this year. Substantive. We'll see come Friday.

Politics

I've always been bothered by the Blue Scare that has seemed to hold my blood-red state in a vice grip since FDR.

I wish a lot of things for the world. I wish we would all recycle. I wish everyone would burst into song and feel pure and piercing joy as music left them in elation. I wish we hard tougher skins and softer hearts. I wish waste wasn't common place. . . the list could go on for days.

But one thing I really wish, is that people would just take the time to read. Reading spawns thought and not only that, it shows that you, as a human, are interested in something other than yourself. You're interested what others think about the same things that consume your thoughts day in and day out. (Unless they don't, in which case you're detached from yourself and should jumpstart your brain with a good book). An incredible and entirely unhuman thought. To think, thinking about someone else's thinkings?! Unheard of. I wish we read what other humans thought about our country, or read about what those proposing to preside over it really have to say. I wish we would read about current events and learn about things out of arms reach. I wish we would read about not only issues and problems, but possible solutions and progress.

But above all, I wish for more time to read.