Sunday, September 2, 2007


It's amazing to me how lonely I can feel when there are so many people, so much life, so much motion and excitement around me. Why does isolation prevail when it is so outnumbered? Maybe more of what I feel is an estrangement from things that are familiar and this is causing feelings of loneliness. Maybe I feel so gray because I don't have structure in my days, minutes to schedule, goals to set and accomplish, etc. I'm ready for school to start so I can be motivated to work hard and strive to be better. I'm ready for a routine.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm beige. Could the cinder block walls be rubbing off on me already? Some how every song is too upbeat and all I want to do is sit and feel my bruises. Black, blue and green, evidence of work, of striving. Where did I go? I'm lost in a sea of navy, of faces that I don't know. School hasn't even started and yet I'm feeling the effects of being just like everyone else, pallid, colorless in a mass of vibrance.

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