Control

I'm one that likes control. I like rows of things placed just where I put them. I like containers. I like schedules and routines. Goals.

I don't like how there isn't a manual setting for my heart. It does what it wants and I just stand by and feel it tear at my visceral lining. Every beat makes me wonder why I can't force it to do what I want.

I one that likes creating. I like starting with blank nothingness and transforming it into something with meaning and beauty. I like colors. I like pencils and pens. Paint.

I don't like how I can't create my future just the way I want to. It takes its own course, directed to some extent by the choices I make, and I just stand by and watch it fly. Every day makes me wish I could contrive the external forces to channel me where I want.