Half

Today is my half birthday. I remembered when Agreeada asked me if I was nineteen yet. I told her I’d be twenty next January. “January what?” Agreeada asked me. “The nineteenth,” I replied. “So you already had your golden birthday.” “Yeah.” (Remembering made the sides of my tongue burn with the bitterness of a three-day span). “Why?” Why asked. “Why what? Why is it my half birthday? Seriously?” It is easy for me to get impatient with her. All she asks is why? Why is she driving? Why does she have to wear shoes? Why does the water bounce? Why is your swimsuit grey? Why is your hair up? Why can we go? Why is that called a tire? Why is she driving away? Why don’t you need a key to start it? Why is it not lunchtime? Why do I have to wear a lifejacket?. . . I’m about three seconds away from tattooing “I DON’T KNOW” on my forehead.

It is strange that time passes so quickly but I forget to notice. Last time we were here together Fresin and I were counting Matatattat’s armpit hairs and marveling about puberty. This time we counted his tattoos. Last time we were reminiscing about EFY crushes. This time she’s engaged. In almost one month exactly she’ll be married. How does time pass so quickly? The most incomprehensible bit of it is that it passes unnoticed. It’s not until you stumble back upon yourself or upon where you used to be that you realize you’ve changed. Most of all you realize how much everyone else changed.

I still feel like I just turned 13.