Contract

All too often I'll walk into a bathroom stall and find a pink paper printed with a peppy advertisement from some Cougar co-ed trying to sell her housing contract. I love them. I think I might start collecting the prized advertisements.

A typical housing advertisement might highlight number of bedrooms or bathrooms, proximity to campus, kitchen and living room, if utilities are included, laundry services, maybe even parking. But the best part about Cougar Ads is that the main bulleted points are as follows:

• Great Bishopric. Seriously, these men are inspired. The Bishop has helped me overcome so much and really is a great guy. They are so nice and easy to talk to.
• Such a social ward. If you're looking to make some friends, there are loads of girls in the ward who anyone could get along with. Activities are always fun and we get so much free food. It's amazing.
  
• Fantastic Roommates. Really, these girls are the greatest. They are so thoughtful and kind everyone absolutely adores them. They're so easy to get along with a such great girls to be with.
• Down-to-earth Boys. Look ladies, I know that many of you are looking for that sparkly ring to dazzle your finger and take it from someone who knows, there are tons of eligible bachelors in this ward. They are so cute and nice and down-to-earth. Dating rarely gets this easy.

  If it's so great, why am I leaving? Well, I just finished my Mission Papers so I really need to sell my contract. Contact Mindy Pepsalot for details about this great apartment.

That's no exaggeration. Just yesterday I read an ad that listed "down-to-earth boys" as one of the amenities. I started laughing in the bathroom stall and hoped no one was outside wondering what in the world was going on behind the latched stall door.

Oh Cougs how I love you.