Monday, October 6, 2008


I've been accused of being self-congratulatory for saying something to the effect of, "I just don't know how I can even contain all the love I have in my heart for her." Well let me just set the record straight.

If one, when I'm talking about you I grab my heart and roll my shoulders forward while sighing deeply or two, can't find much to say beyond, "I just absolutely love [insert name here]!" you can pretty much assume I'd give you my kidney if you needed it. No joke.

I will admit, however, that on Friday I had a moment that I was not only self-congratulatory about, but outright boastful. But I honestly think the feat merited the bragging. Many of you are familiar with the Rent-A-Cop Mock Cops that BYU Policemen are. All it takes is to read the weekly report put out by the university newspaper to see that in all honesty, the don't have a whole lot to deal with. My favorites from the newest edition?

Sept. 16: Police responded to a call about three males with nets and a broom at the pond south of campus. The men were apparently trying to capture a duck. The officer told the men to leave and leave the ducks alone.

Sept. 16: Police received a call that a 21-year-old male was distributing literature about veganism near the Tanner building. Police asked him to move off campus. The man was not associated with the university.

Sept. 16: Residents of Taylor Hall reported three males making noise and pounding on their windows, including one dressed in a Spiderman costume. Police discovered they were residents from May Hall. The students explained they were bored and looking for something to do.

Sept. 17: A female walking near Maeser Hill reported seeing a middle-aged male with shoulder-length blonde hair wearing nothing but tennis shoes and a baseball cap. The man was gone when police arrived.

Sept. 17: A suspicious male was reported loitering in the parking lot by the J. Reuben Clark Building. When police arrived, the man explained he was selling his motorcycle and waiting for a potential buyer.

Sept. 20: Two men in attendance at the football game began to argue about a call on the field. One hit the other in the face. Officers intervened and the two apologized to each other, resolving the situation.

Sept. 20: A female student reported receiving a threatening out-of-state phone call at 3 a.m. The caller mentioned killing another person. Police believe it was a random phone call.

Sept. 21: A male student reported receiving vulgar and threatening text messages from out of state. The case has been turned over to detectives for investigation.

So they spend their time issuing thousands of parking tickets wrapped in bright green envelopes, and bullying students out of parking in visitor lots. But I had a serious victory over the BYU parking Nazi Regime on Friday.

I had to take the chillins to school because the 'rents were in PC for the weekend. So after running Lil' Lou to school, I took Mogli and by the time I was driving home realized I definitely didn't have time to walk. So I decided that I'd kick my smooth talking persuader skills into high gear and charm my way into the visitor's lot. OlderAndWiserToo was skeptical. I was confident.

I drove up in the 'cedes to the ticket booth and rolled down the window (a luxury Brian doesn't afford me). The Pseudo-Cop asked, "Are you a student" to which I honestly repsponded, "Yes sir I am. But . . ." and I proceeded to explain how my poor car was stranded at my parent's house and so I was using their car to run my siblings around before I had to be at work at 8 and that I would only be on campus until I got off at eleven and my parking pass that I ordered in the mail hasn't come yet so I can't park my car on campus even if I wanted to. I batted my eyes a bit and may have flaunted some girlish charm to seal the deal. Eventually, rolling his eyes, he handed over the blessed little purple paper which I proudly stuck on my windshield.

As soon as I turned the key and locked the doors, I promptly sent a few gloating text messages which were returned with messages of disbelief and hate for the fact that I can "get whatever I want" (which is wholly untrue). It just goes to show that parking is a sensitive issue for the fellow Cougs. But I am beating the system, one flirty parking sticker by one.


Pancake said...

I'm practically a "rent a cop" or whatever you called them. But don't try and get into MPS. I'll spray you with pepper spray, then get your car towed. And if you persist I'll call my dad and tell him to fail you. Ha! Just kidding. But do realize not all people in uniforms are cops. Parking attendants are actually security guards. And my branch is the best because we are the only security guards with metal badges. Have a good day, but watch out! If I catch you using your girly charm, I'll spray you.

indescribable said...

This truly does merit some self-congratulation, as well as the appreciation of those who are not as skilled as you. So i most definitely, and sincerely congratulate you on accomplishing such a feat, as getting your way with the BYU police. You have the awe of a girl who has received four parking tickets in the last week.

Anderson., M.N. said...

"But I had a serious victory over the BYU parking Nazi Regime on Friday."

Not only is this a sentence fragment but it also is untrue. Saying "victory", you act as if you've had a long arduous battle with BYU Parking whom you quickly dub as Nazi's.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you have never received a parking ticket, so please, Paige, claim no battle. There are some of us who are very familiar with the trench warfare that occurs between the common folk and officers that try to "grind the faces of the poor" students by loading them up with parking tickets. My cohorts and I, we really know the battle. It is questionable whether you really do.

Your parking story would also lend us real battlers to believe that you might actually be on their side. So be careful who you call Nazi.

Ardently said...


you're a bully and i have had my fair share of tickets. i think you're just jealous i wasn't batting my eyes at you.

Anderson., M.N. said...

Alright. Fine. You pegged me. However, I've been told I do have long eyelashes. If only I could learn to bat them and gain the your mysterious powers (to use with the female parking attendants of course).

Michelle said...


yeah right. to all of the above.


Millas said...

All I have to say is, in all of my years of driving, I have never once received a ticket for parking without a sticker at BYU y I still screw their system over to this day. The best, is when I almost received a ticket. The cop was three cars away writing a ticket when Taylor y I returned to the car. Ha, it's true, the two of us are sweet.

Coby said...

you could talk a leaf off of a tree

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