|Linton, oil, acrylic, beeswax on panel, 9 1/2" x 9 1/2"|
Rather, the question we should be concerned with is: What am I becoming? After all, we know that matter is energy (and energy matter), therefore it's what we put our energies into that constitutes the matter we are made of.
Michael shared a few lines from the book he's reading with me a week or so ago. The author explains,
"The idea of a substance [or, I would say, a person] as something extended in space and persistent in time becomes meaningless if neither space nor time is absolute. A substance [or, again, a person] now had to be considered a series of events, connected together in one continuum, taking place in space time. . . there occurs a process of everlasting change; and the only thing eternal is change itself." - Europe Since Napolean by David ThomsonViewing myself as a person living in space time—as one in process of everlasting change—not only coincides comfortably with what I believe about the eternal nature of beings, but also gives me room to breathe a little in my mortal skin. I think the paradigm shift from Who am I? to Who am I becoming? takes the paralyzing weight off the present and constructively places it as Focus in the future. It helps me remember that every day matters. And that means tomorrow too. It allows me to treat myself more kindly because I know that I am just a person striving. Mistakes don't mean I'm a bad person, rather, they serve to strengthen my belief that I am a person in a constant state of change. And change means ups and downs. Who am I becoming? Isn't it a hopeful question?
It's hard to compartmentalize events in our lives. I am not made up of neat little bits of my life, but the sum—in totality—of my experiences, circumstances, history. Sometimes that sum can't be divided so tidily. I am made of a series of events, connected together in one continuum.
And so I'm back again where I started several years ago when I began work on my final show: "This notion [that I am a series of events] has profound implications; that events give birth to events, changes to changes, and actions to actions; that I am but a part of a grand causality."
Funny how cyclical our understanding is.