Coordination

Have you ever had one of those days when you just don’t feel coordinated? I seem to have those a lot. Today, my un-coordination was especially apparent.

I was on my way to the Wilk and passed what I thought was a pile of tarps. I should have known better I guess. Tarps are never just lying around at BYU. The grounds are immaculate and where there is a tarp, there is a little man in a blue vest. No such man was to be found this morning. However, as soon as I was right in front of supposed “tarp,” the thing came to life. Literally. The crackling sound of its folds rubbing together coupled with the sudden inflation and larger than life stature instantaneously looming over me, not only caused me to shriek, but stumble about for a good thirty seconds as I tried to figure out what the heck was going on.

As it turned out there WAS a little man in a blue vest. Not only one, in fact, but three who were waiting mischievously for an unsuspecting passerby to cross their path before they plugged in the all-too-spirited wiggly blow-up man and scared her (me) half to death.

The second time I felt especially ill-fitted for land-dwelling was at Ikea this afternoon. As much as I love Ikea, I can’t seem to maneuver their 4 Wheel Drive shopping carts. That’s right, 4.W.D.SHOP.ING.CARTS. I tried to turn right with the front end, and suddenly the back end would swing left and almost knock me off my feet. (Not to be confused with “sweep me off my feet.” I left the luscious textiles and engaging patterns that graced my fingers and eyes to do that). I was trying to round a corner and knocked into not one, not two, but three displays. I just stumbled away, hung my head in shame and hurriedly got away from the mocking eyes of the savvy Ikea frequenters while knocking into various other rugs, pillows, and toilet scrubbers. I wish I had sufficient visual capacity to explain the completely pathetic and disparaging state I shuffled away in. Honestly, I almost confined myself to a wheelchair.

But at least I wasn't alone in my clumsiness. Another woman was there with her husband who while trying to maneuver the shopping cart was feeling much of the same exasperation that I was. Her husband took the drivers seat and calmly explained, "You just have to use your side muscles."

I don't think I have those.