Thursday, October 11, 2007


The past twenty four hours have been some of the most laughter filled hours of college thus far. I was up late last night trying to finish an assignment for art so I could go on a weekend getaway with my family, and finished for the night at about 1:30. I walked into my room, opened the bottom drawer to get my pajamas out and started undressing. Suddenly my roommate, who had been asleep for almost 3 hours by now, shot bolt upright and let out a sleepy, slightly maniacal and creepy giggle followed by a high pitched slur, "I think I fell asleep in your bed." I stared at her and felt a smile force the corners of my mouth to rise, "What?" Again she innocently confessed, "I think I fell asleep in your bed!" I couldn't help but laugh. "You're not in my bed. You're in your bed." She looked helplessly confused and her pathetic state caused me to burst out in great waves of laughter, so hard in fact, that I was struggling to put my pants on. Her confusion took over and my incoherent roommate started searching for clarification. "Wait. Who is that?" "Who me? I am Paige. You are Roommate. This is our room. You're in your bed and it's okay if you sleep there." Suddenly she got up and curtly said, "I'm going to the bathroom." Okay.

I had to go in and tell the other girls in my apartment who were still up about this strange and hilarious encounter. As soon as I walked in the room they all burst out laughing and sputtered, "Your p-p-pants! Your pa-ants!" I looked down. The pooch in the front was truly incredible. I had obviously struggled to get them on and though my legs were covered, the were clearly on backwards. I then proceed to relay the previous few minutes of exchange that happened in my room just moments before and barely got it out between the cackling, chortles, giggling, tittering, and hysterics. We then heard the bathroom door open. Other Roommate stuck her head out and smiled at Roommate. Roommate shot back with the "worst scowl I have ever gotten." Our giggles were silenced momentarily, but suddenly we burst out again. Obviously it was much to late.

I tried going to bed, but stopped a few feet short of my door. I collapsed on the floor and shook with sniggers. Other Roommate joined me and we sat together in silent laughter, trying to calm ourselves down before entering the rooms of our sleeping roommates. It took a lot of deep breaths, but eventually I got a hold of myself. As I lay in my bed with my eyes open, I giggled quietly whilst recalling the night's events.

Thursday was especially excellent because we were able to finally put our master prank on FHE Boys into action. We met after classes (I was lucky enough to get out early because of a fire alarm scare at the HFAC) and drove to Petsmart. The plan was to by "30 goldfish" a restriction put on by the moral police man of the apartment, Roommate. Sheesh 30. (We collaboratively decided the night the restrictions were imposed that we would stretch her parameters and get 60. No one was to breathe a word to Roommate for fear of a thrashing.) So we drove, blasting Aqua all the way. I, being the driver and therefore leader of the group was looked to to tell the man how many fish we wanted. In a surge of rebellion and mischievousness (and knowing that if we were going to do a good prank we needed good ammunition) I confidently said "One Hundred." The roommates all just stared at me. "A HUNDRED?!" "Yes. Please. We'll leave you alone while you get them for us. Thank you." and with that we walked off in a huddle, them exclaiming at my boldness, me smirking at them (and in the absent face of Roommate). 20 minutes later the man was finished catching our fishies and we paid our $12 and left. The plan was this:

The choir rehearsal was at 7 and the girls were all going come. The ammo would be stored in the car. The Office starts at 8, so while the boys were coming over and getting settled to watch it, Other Roommate and I were going to be "moving the piano back and finishing up stuff at the rehearsal." We had thought we lured them sufficiently with brownies, beanbags, and of course, The Office. Well plans went awry when rehearsal ended at 7:20 and we got back to the room with voicemails from FHE Boy No. 1 saying they would rather host us, they would move a couch in from the lobby and we could bring the beanbags over. What?! Now was that really logical? We schemed and plotted and came up with "Paige has an art project she wants to work on during the show and it's spread out all over the table, plus the brownies won't be out until a few minutes into the show. Also, Other Roommate has things to finish up, and the beanbags were cumbersome..." We won. They would be over at 5 'til. Now we had to figure out an alibi for the girls doing the dirty deed. Now that Other Roommate and I had obligations to tend to at home, two others had to go. Late Night Roommate and Missionary Hussie Roommate decided that they would leave now buy ice cream and then sneak in while the boys were over. We would tell the boys that they were "buying ice cream" when they got there, and this way, we could buy them more time. Perfect. All was well again.

The boys arrived, and The Office was blaring. But all the while, I was fidgeting and wondering "Where are they?" "Did they get caught?" Tall FHE Boy didn't come, nor did Girl Crazy FHE Boy (but we all knew where he was). Could Tall FHE Boy have gotten them? Right then, Other Roommate got a text from Late Night Roommate saying "Someone is in there!" Great. Other Roommate called him after some silent negotiation and convinced him (bless her) to bring his buddies along and come watch with us. Again, "We have brownies!!!" Who ever knew the chocolaty treat could be such a successful trap! It worked perfectly. Tall FHE Boy miraculously left the door wide open. My roommates ran in and started their business. They filled the tub, the sinks, the toilet, the rice cooker, crockpot, blender, pots, pans, cups, bowls, everything and anything that could hold water with both some water and a little aquatic friend. They texted us 20 minutes later. Mission accomplished. Now all we had to do was sit and wait for The Office to end, dessert to be eaten, and a reaction to be enjoyed.

Tall FHE Boy left first after the night's festivities. Only minutes later Pseudo-Gold FHE Boy got a phone call. "Our apartment is covered in fish!" He didn't do much explaining because after the call was ended, FHE Boy No. 1 exclaimed in exasperation, "Ugh, they'll never leave my goldfish alone!" We all looked at each other. Luckily Missionary Hussie Roommate caught on, "Your crackers? Who?" "The stupid Gates Girls! They're such psychos!" They proceeded to talk about how psycho the Gates Girls are and how they were convinced it was them all the while thinking the fish were actually a salty snack strewn about the floor. Amateurs.

Other Roommate, being the brilliant girl she is convinced the boys to go over there (with us tagging along of course) and check it out. As we were walking across the parking lot towards the fire escape Tall FHE Boy yelled out the window "They're real fish!" "WHAT?!" "Yeah! Real!" PSHOO! It was like a gunshot went off and we were off to the races. We ran up the stairs and replying to their exclamations with, "Yeah, I can't believe those girls. Who would do that? Holy cow. That's retarded. Sheesh. Wowza!"

It was truly glorious stepping into that apartment, hearing reactions and seeing the havoc that we had so secretly wreaked on them. We followed them around smirking at their horror and giving each other mental high-fives. Breakfast FHE Boy was feeling smug because he had so wisely locked his door. Missionary Hussie Roommate, however, foresaw his pleasure at being spared, so she slide a cupcake tray full of surprises under the door, so when he unlocked it and stepped inside, guess what splashed up at him? It was all too perfect. We couldn't have planned some of the amazing things that happened in that apartment. Not even how they found out it was us.

We were all sitting in the kitchen after inspecting the place and assessing the damage. Unexpectedly, FHE Boy No. 1 picked up an empty distilled water jug and started turning it around in his hands. I noticed the initials on it a split second before he did and started moving towards the door. "K...A... K.A. KA. KA!! IT WAS YOU GUYS!" We all screamed with a mix of terror and delight (seeing the progression of their awareness all night was excellent and then the cherry on top was seeing the cogs and wheels turn in their heads as it all fell into place). "We're going to KILL you! Oh, you're dead! You're dead for sure!" Idle threats. So satisfactory.

We gloated in the parking lot, doing a victory dance for all to see and cheering our hearts at while yelling back at them "We got you guys so bad! Fear us! WOO!" and other such nonsense, then we retired to our apartment to exchange stories, high-fives and bragging rights. A few minutes later we received a phone call. "Just so you guys know, we sort of hate you. But we have to admit that was a dang good prank." As if our egos needed inflating...but we cheered into the phone. I don't think we've stopped rubbing it in ever since. Needless to say, that night, was sufficiently filled to the brim with gut-wrenching laughter. I had to take photos of hair for a project, and Roommate volunteered to be "static hair." This movie was the result.My abs are going to be sore for a week!

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