Still

Oh give me thy sweet spirit still,
The peace that comes alone from thee,
The faith to walk the lonely road,
That leads to thine eternity.
[I Know that My Redeemer Lives Hymn 195]

My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your head hangs down. Then please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the son of the living God . . . My dear friends, the Savior heals the broken heart and binds up your wounds. Whatever your challenges may be, wherever you live on this earth . . . Jesus Christ will bless you to endure joyfully to the end. [President Uchtdorf]

Oh be still.

I have tried lately to be diligent about keeping a gratitude journal. I smiled as I reviewed some of my entries this week that range from everything from bungee cords to honesty, but I have realized that it really does affect me in deep ways to realize all that I have. It seems like I've been hit in church meetings, scripture study, and conversations with friends that gratitude matters and is something that I want to more diligently focus on. I think I get easily overwhelmed. I take that back. I know I get easily overwhelmed.

I feel like I have responsibility to keep everything moving, everyone happy, everything clean, everyone going. . . I get tired and worn out with my "everything" mentality. If I sit still for two seconds (also something I struggle with) I realize that I don't really have a responsibility for all the things I take upon myself. I am not the great keeper of homeostasis amongst those who I love. But I think it is because of that love that I feel so compelled to do so. It's like I am trying to keep my hands on everyone, holding up her chin, wiping up her spill, filling up her void, taking care of them, making sure they smile. . .Maybe if I had hands that stretched as far and to as many places as I wanted, it would be easier for me to feel like I'm meeting the needs of those around me. But I can't. I have but two hands with limitations, a blessing and a curse of my mortal frame. Meanwhile I neglect my needs and continue in a spiral of putting on a happy face and walking out the door with a chipper countenance.

What I want to be is overwhelmed with gratitude, overwhelmed with the knowledge that even though I can't do it all, there is One who can. I recognize that, and I find strength in that. (Still, recognizing my limitations is one thing that I have always struggled with). This week I have been overwhelmed once or twice by the feeling that I am needed, if by no one else than my Father. He needs me. He loves me. The same goes for all of his children. Far too often I think that we center on the fact that we need Him. While this is true, we need to remember that we are needed just as desperately. We are not merely "one more" or "one less," but we are His. I am grateful for this knowledge. I am still overcome with gratitude for the overwhelming spirit that accompanied my church meetings today. I was the only one in my apartment who went and while I was walking to church by myself and feeling singly alone, I had a companionship of spirit that edified me more than any person could have.

So I pose a challenge to myself this week. Live by these words. Honestly. Daily. And be still.