Tuesday, May 27, 2008


What was set aside as a night of relaxing conversation and a game of scrabble turned into six intense hours of discussion and mind expanding banter. I don't know how to process it all but I have come to a few conclusions:

1. The world we live in is just a series of paradoxes. Good or bad, that is the reality and we do what we will with it.
2. People are different and suited to unique institutions (or non-institutions)
3. There are more problems than solutions. Frustrating as it is, sometimes it creates intricacies and beauties.
4. Time, though confining, is a driving force. I can't do it all. Nor am I expected to. I need to let go of the compulsion.
5. I love art. I love thinking about art and talking about art and coming up against seemingly insuperable walls and finding ways to climb them through art.
6. I want to be a mother and an artist. I am a creator and I need not reconcile the two, but let the two become a seamless part of my life.
7. I want a studio with a table for my children to paint at. And they will all have sketchbooks.

The conversation was so moving that at times I was near tears. It either rang so true or seemed so much that I felt emotion boil up my throat and come close to spilling over.

Sometimes the things I talk about and think about or ideas presented to me take my brain in eight million directions all at once. I feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up cognitively, like I want to reach up with my arms and grab all the notions, opinions, impressions, views, theories, judgments, assessments and conclusions and somehow coral them back into my brain. But it's all too big to hold.

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