I've tried several times over the last week or so to post something, anything, that doesn't have to do with my little one. But try as I might to have a thought outside of the realm of mothering and how enamored I am with her, I can't. I've been consumed. And it's not that I don't want to be consumed by this newness in my life--I like what I've become--but I don't want this to become another Mormon Mommy Blog (and I'm willing to bet that Mikey doesn't want this to become one either because while he is a Mormon, he's not a Mommy).
I'm afraid, however, that my little one will be the subject of most posts for the next little while. Too bad. Motherhood is something you're thrust into all at once, and it takes a little while for the shock of it all to wear off (if it ever does . . .) I thought that I felt motherly when I heard her heartbeat for the first time, or when I watched her move across the ultrasound screen, or when I cooked and cleaned and prepared for her arrival (again, and again, and again . . .) but what I feel now is something completely different.
I was crying last night because I felt so unproductive. Write 8 thank you notes. That was one of two things on my to-do list. And I didn't write one. In fact, I had a hard time finishing the only other task on my list. When Mikey comes home and asks about my day and I feel like it's the same report day in and day out, "I spent 30 minutes trying to wake the baby to feed her. I spent a good 45 feeding her/keeping her awake to eat. Then I put her down, and then started the whole process over again an hour or so later." (I'm slowly relearning how to view 45 minutes as a large chunk of time). But although there are definite moments of monotony, it is truly a joyful job.
Because as I'm sitting her writing this, there's a sleeping infant on my lap who just smiled the biggest one I've seen yet. And she's mine!
5 comments:
hey you! i soooo look forward to reading your mommy posts!! BEING A MOMMY BLOGGER IS THE BEST. and not boring...so go for it!!! please?
signed,
a very proud mommy blogger =)
I hope this isn't offensive, but I find it so comforting to know that Paige Crosland is indeed slightly human. I remember the first 3 months, and my to-do list was
1. Keep Max alive
2. Eat at least 2 meals myself
3. put make up on, once a week. for church or something.
Everything else was just bonus :)
And I too hope to read a lot of "mommy" posts, because that's who I relate to. And you are a smart, capable, talented, spiritual, mom. So I hope your posts reflect just that! Same wonderful Paige, just a new lens to view life through.
I have to say "amen" to Erin's to-do list. That's still mine after 6 months. I also tried to keep my blog to reflect 'me' but alas, the babies have taken over and there's not much I can do about it.
no apology needed. i feel like my brain still has to work extra hard to think of anything else besides mom-stuff. and i think it would be weirder if you were posting tons of entries about libya and gaddafi and protests in wisconsin rather than the most truly life-changing event of your life that just happened.
I don't do my to-do lists and I don't have a child to look after. It seems to me you're doing beautifully. :)oh, and your daughter is beautiful, and I don't think your blog will ever be a Mormon mommy blog. Keep it up!
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