Thursday, August 16, 2012

Like a grandfather clock

I've never considered myself one of those pendulum-people who are constantly swinging between immense joy and immense trepidation and fear, but seeing as this post follows the previous one, you (and I) might reconsider.

Packing is in full swing. I've boxed up what kitchen supplies I can fit, stuffed all of our linens and towels into a bag, begun the tedious (but often freeing) process of sorting through clothes and trying to predict what things we can do without. When I'm being completely honest I know I can do with so much less. But the thought of all of these things spending another year in a basement while I rotate between the same 10 shirts makes me sad. And I hate that I'm sad about it.

I realized how much we could do without when we lived in Italy. The simplicity was refreshing. Six suitcases. That's it. If it didn't fit, it couldn't come. We didn't need it. And we truly didn't. I found as so many often do that so many of our "needs" are fabricated.

But it's easy to fall back into "needing" things again, into comparing, and wanting, and opening a box you haven't opened in years and realizing that you do have pretty dishes and things that you'd love to haul along. But there just isn't room for pretty apothecary jars when more important things like irons and towels and pots take precedence. So I'm learning again: you don't need it.

I fell into pieces last night thinking about this (and other things). As it always goes, a string of events brought me to a puddle in my husband's arms (I'm so grateful for those arms) but there I was, mad at myself for wanting things, sad that I couldn't take it all with me, frustrated by the constraints of packing, fearing making new friends, overwhelmed by the thought of driving across the country, completely exhausted by my day.

This morning I woke to a kiss and the words, "It will all work out, honey."

Things are looking more rosy already. See? Pendulum.


Brianna Smith said...

Reading this post made me emotional of course! Because we just went through the same things! Road trips with toddlers- not that easy but doable. Leaving family- not easy but doable. Minimizing what you can bring- not easy but doable ( you should have seen what we tossed before coming out here and even when we got here we still tossed stuff!) I know you can do it, and you will do it with style. I had to keep reminding myself about what I was excited about for the "Big Move" whenever I was freaking out (And I did freak out quite a bit!) Isn't it always comforting to know that you have your little family - Mike & Ada- to provide stability, hope, and comfort in times of need?!!! You will do great. I know it- because being your neighbor in Italy and bouncing ideas off one another when we got stuck with the "Ok, I don't have this...what can I substitue..." or "I can do (insert anything) with (Insert somethingelse) instead!" You are a creative, beautiful, and wise! Can't wait to see you out here soon!

thepalmierifamily said...

After 3 trans-continental moves I still had the same struggle. I guess that it means that we're all human, and get to work and re-work on that human nature. The joy is not giving up but in finding joy in the challenges. When I had to pack for this move to Italy and have only a few suitcases for my family to live on, I kept reminding myself that I didn't have a tidal wave or an earthquake take away everything, but I could choose what stuff went into those suitcases. It was tough anyway, but I survived. :) I know that you're more than a survivor, you're a finisher and enjoy the beauty in your life. I loved Briana's comment. It makes me miss the sweetness of both of you. Good luck with the road trip and an active toddler! baci, Julie.

thepalmierifamily said...

If the sewing machine does fit on top of your car, I can email some fun, easy projects to do as your first projects to get comfortable with your machine. And if it's in another year or two that it fits, then I'll send you some ideas then. Good luck with the move!

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