Saturday, January 5, 2008


I got an email today. It contained words with weight. The kind where you can only read so much before you're filled. The kind that sometimes feel like a sock in the gut, or a tug at the heart. The kind that make we want to grab her and squeeze her tight and hold her close.

Would it be possible to juice the pain out of someone by squeezing them?

I ache for her. I want to be near her, take her arm in arm and let her know that there is a way of peace. Things are hard for her and relief doesn't seem to be coming fast enough. But I guess that is how life goes sometimes. Very slow, sometimes too slow, and sometimes it stops and turns and turns and turns until you start to cry because your head aches. You peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made, and stick it into some, someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood, and walking arm in arm. Sometimes life hurts. A lot of times life is hard.

But I can't stand the feeling of being thousands of miles away. It feels like the ways I can reach out, love, and teach are suffocated by the ocean. How do I get there?! I'm so frustrated and I don't know how to fix it. Seems like I've felt that way again and again the last few days.

Hopelessness is a despairing feeling with no productivity. It forces you into a vacuum that feeds off of the things that you aren't. I hope to squelch it soon, loosen its grip and force it out of the lives of those whom I so ardently love.

1 comment:

Linae said...

just the certainty that you care for her is one of the best things you can let her know in this moment. she knows that and values it a lot.

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