Thursday, February 21, 2008


I spend time here every Thursday to give me the charge to push through the weekend before I can quench my thirst for spirit and light again on Sunday. There is nothing else I'd rather do with my Thursday afternoons.

While sitting there today I pondered on things my professor had talked about in class the day before. We discussed feeling the spirit and the words he spoke came streaming into my heart and mind with force and dimension. I was filled with the truth and it brought a significant measure of comfort to my soul. It was the pick-me-up I needed after only a few days of reality, and it witnessed to me that I have the strength to tackle it all because I am fortified with the strongest power on earth. Nothing anyone could have said in that moment would have meant more than the unspoken, underlying message that I gleaned from his words.

Lately I've felt like a whole lot of nothing. I was reading and felt impressed by the poignancy of these words as I stumbled upon them by the light of my desk lamp. I realized how we truly are this, and because of that we disobey. Even these obey better than we, for we are this. But with Him we can become everything. This is for us if we turn our nothingness into our strengths. I find great hope in this, because sometimes it's easy for me to get caught up in the seemingly mundane. I feel like I've plateaued, flat lined momentarily along my timeline of life. I want my life to be a continual crescendo, a perpetual climb of progression upwards and outwards. But things get tiring, and I stumble, get caught up, hung up, stuck . . . frustrations only lead to failure, so I need to just get up the courage to take a big step out of the mud and get on my way. We have been told it would be easy. Why am I finding it so hard?

I am one of 5 grandchildren all born within a 4 month span. We have gone through every rite of passage since birth together. Graduating from diapers, losing teeth, learning to ride bikes, getting baptized, moving from elementary to middle school, getting our drivers licenses, graduating from high school, starting college. . . Now they're all embarking on new chapters of life. Marriage or missions are close for all of them and I feel like I'm left behind doing nothing extraordinary or exciting. I go to school. I work. I study. Sometimes the routine is completely stultifying. It's not like I'm anxious to put a ring on my finger and don a white dress, but I want something to set me apart. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit like this.

1 comment:

Millas said...

To be honest Paige you have a lot that sets you apart from one of your cousins that I know. It's your art, it's amazing. You are only feeling like your not different or progressing because Satan wants you to feel that way. Take it from someone on the outside, you are amazing and have a lot more going for you than you think.

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