Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Let them eat art

I'm trying to figure out what my relationship with art is these days. I have so many different feelings about painting come over me throughout the day.

At times I feel paralyzed. I'm at a loss of what to paint, even when I have time. I loved working on my final show. I loved having one idea to delve into, to tear apart, to put together, to research, write and create about. But now I don't have a clue what to make. I need to find a new avenue to pursue. Or should I just keep down the one I'm already on?

Other times, I can't wait for the weather to warm up, for Summer to get here and turn into Autumn. I want to paint in Italy. I want to put my brush to board in Bologna and mindlessly paint beautiful scenes. But then I wonder how in the world I'll entertain my child while I'm set up on the street somewhere . . .

Yesterday I felt like what I've done isn't worth much and it's not getting me anywhere. Why did I spend four years majoring in art? Now what? Why did I make so many paintings? I just have to haul them around with me now. I got rejected from two shows in a row, and I shouldn't be disheartened, but I was saving paintings to build my resume with. Now I wonder if I should have just sold them last December when I had some offers.

Somehow, I need to befriend my art-self again. I need to reacquaint myself with the person who is excited about making art, because I miss it. I'm going to start carrying my sketchbook around. It's the first step in opening the door to making art again.

3 comments:

Anna Peterson said...

I was just thinking about our trade deal the other day. How can I get a picture of your darling Ada?

I have similar feelings as you do so I'm just trying to see if doing a few commissions will help me want to do my own art again.

Don't get down on your art, it was an amazing show. Your paintings are gorgeous. I think you should just do what you feel like doing and not worry about it too much. Ideas come that way.

Meg said...

http://writerunderground.com/2011/04/28/ira-glass-on-creativity-or-the-gap-between-our-taste-and-our-work/

Elle and Jared said...

i have these same thoughts everrryyy day (minus italy and substitute art degree for my eng/comm degree) and i still don't know what to do with them.

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